Everybody Ships Fredashi
by ObsidianWingsOfMidnight
Summary: Everytime I watched Deadpool, everytime I saw Weasel, all I could think about was how he voiced Fred. So then I had a thought: What if Fred was Weasel. What if Fred retired from the hero business and ran a bar where mercenaries frequented. And what if said mercenaries found out about his massive crush on his best friend, hmm?
1. Leave My Nonexistent Love Life Out of It

There were 3 things of which Fred was certain.

1\. Almost all his closest friends knew about his massive crush.

2\. Only two of them didn't know about the crush.

3\. If either of them ever found out about it he was royally fucked.

So it should be no surprise that one day, all his feeble plans to keep his secret admiration hidden came crashing down.

And it all started with one of the ones who didn't know about the crush. AKA Wade fucking Wilson. AKA Deadpool. AKA Royal Pain in the Ass #1.

Okay, Wade was actually a great guy in his own sort of way; otherwise he and Fred wouldn't be friends in the first place. He was still a pain in the ass though.

Now, you may be wondering how in the ever loving fuck someone like Fred ended up being such good pals with someone like Wade. The abridged version: shit happens.

The slightly longer version? Well, what's there to say? Fred was a good guy. He fought the good fight with his friends for a few years, suiting up in a fire breathing lizard costume- still awesome, and still in his possession-but the hero business was hard. Hard choices had to be made. Sometimes there was no good option to choose. Sometimes it felt like he had to give up too much of himself to keep going.

Eventually, he decided that he had to hang up the hood and retire from the hero business.

The others may not have been pleased, but they understood. After all, none of them had expected to be in the business for so long. They only started because they wanted to bring a masked man to justice after he burned down a building and subsequently put Tadashi into the hospital under a coma with severe burns. It turned out to be their old robotics professor, which was horrifying, but stopping him and saving all those people? That was great. It was so great they kept on doing it. Too bad not all their hard work paid off so nicely. Every action has a consequence, and even when people are trying to save others, said consequences can be ugly.

So, like every logical person out there, Fred did the only sensible thing. He bought a bar and catered to the less than hospitable thugs of the city. Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children may not have seemed like the friendliest places, but he'd built up a good reliable clientele. They were just a little rowdier and morally ambiguous than most people.

Plus, he could always keep an ear out for trouble his friends might run into.

They all came by to visit, some more often than others. Gogo came the most, followed closely by Hiro. Neither of them was particularly afraid of his normal patrons, and even enjoyed their presence on occasion. To be fair, they were sort of thrill seekers. Now Wasabi and Honey on the other hand...well Honey wasn't really afraid of his clientele either, it just wasn't really her scene. Wasabi was a little terrified of his customers though, despite being the most physically built for dealing with them. He also thought it was a germaphobe's nightmare realm- Fred tried to explain that he actually kept his bar quite sanitary, thank you very much- so he couldn't handle being in there for too long.

Of all his best friends there was only one who had never set foot in Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children. And that was Tadashi Hamada. AKA the guy he had a colossal crush on since they met. AKA his impending doom because he was sure his attraction was gonna kill him someday from seeing Tadashi doing something too disgustingly cute.

Not to say that it was because Tadashi didn't want to visit. Usually scheduling conflicts kept them from meeting up in this particular place. They still saw each other plenty of other times.

The fact Tadashi had never visited Fred at the bar was pretty much the only reason Wade didn't know about his infatuation. He very much wanted to keep it that way. Wade learning about his crush was a disaster waiting to happen. He'd probably tie them up and throw them in a closet with a bunch of condoms and lube and some mood music. Definitely not what he wanted to go down.

Every time his other friends visited though, they always managed to slip Tadashi into their conversations. Honestly, it was a miracle Wade hadn't figured it out by now.

He was sitting at the bar sipping on a beer, mask pulled halfway up his face listening to Gogo and still _nothing_.

"Wow, Fred, you're still keeping those muscles in shape despite being out of the business. Trying to impress someone, hm?" she asked, trying to rile him up.

"No, I just have customers who like to roughhouse, Gogo," he rolled his eyes.

"Sure, sure, and I suppose the reason you always wear short sleeves around a certain someone isn't to show off either, huh?"

" _I do not_!" His face was burning- he probably looked like a tomato, and Wade still didn't make any quips about his love life.

"Right, you just take off your extra layers cause you get all hot and bothered being in his presence," she smirked.

"Gogo, I swear to God..."

The scrape of Wade's chair cut him off as the other stood up and pulled his mask down. Uh oh...the gig was up. He was in for it now. It was going to be a never-ending stream of a how-to-get-laid guide by Wade-

"Welp, I gotta go. Been thinking about taking a job in Kansas, and the tornado express is leaving tonight, so I figure I should go have hot passionate sex with my knockout girlfriend while I can before the wicked witch of the Midwest gets her claws in me," he clapped his hands together and blew Fred a kiss before skipping out the door.

"Uh...okay. See ya later. I'd say don't die, but that seems unnecessary for you, plus even if you did I'd win the dead pool, so..." Well, that wasn't what he expected, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"So Fred, about Tadashi..." Gogo began again, and he couldn't help heaving a sigh.

"Gogo, you're the best, and I love you-"

"I know."

"-but you and the others are just gonna have to get over the whole me and Tadashi thing. I like him a lot. But I like our friendship a lot more, and I'm not going to jeopardize that. End of story."

"Um, excuse me? Not end of story. Unless the story is about you pining over him. In which case, we need to start a new story where you two are happily together.

"Look Fred, you and Tadashi would probably be annoyingly cute together, and because we're your friends we want to help you. So woman up and confess to him already. Tadashi's too thick in the head about romance to realize you've got feelings for him on his own. So if you don't do something soon. we will," she threatened, giving him a pointed look.

"Ugh, please don't. We don't even know if he likes guys! Or girls for that matter- I don't think I've ever heard him express romantic or sexual preferences in the entire history of our friendship. He could be ace for all we know!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air for emphasis.

"Fine. But don't think this conversation is over," she said before leaving as well.

He sighed. He wished the conversation could be put off forever.

* * *

"Hey, give me a blowjob."

"Please don't make me do this again. I can't believe I let you put something on the menu."

"C'mon, Weasel, you lost the bet, therefore you have to keep that hot mess on the menu. And it's not like I made it up-it's a real thing out in the real world. Besides it sells well!" Wade chirped behind his mask. Fred couldn't tell for certain, but he was about 99.99999% sure that Wade had one of those shit-eating grins on his face.

"They only sell when you're here, and you only buy them to start fights," Fred pointed his finger accusingly at the other man.

Wade put his arms up in mock surrender before replying, "Guilty as charged, sir. But can you blame me? Nobody's died in almost two months! Two. _Months_. That's a fucking crime. You should be arrested for letting it go on for this long."

"You and I have very different ideas of what constitutes a crime."

"Oh I know goody-two-shoes-I-used-to-be-a-hero Weasel is actually for the law and all that. But I got news for ya, so open up your mind hole, buddy: you run a bar for criminals. You ain't on Jonny law's side no more. So give me the damn blowjob, so I can get someone else to send it over to one of those ugly mugs hanging around," Wade leaned partially over the bar, wiggling his eyebrows. How he managed to do that in the mask still escaped him.

"Fine. Pays the bills anyway, I guess," he grumbled halfheartedly. He knew he should have felt a little bad about someone possibly getting killed in the bar, but what could he say? Wade was a terrible influence.

He poured the ingredients into a shot glass and slid it across the bar to the red-clad menace. Nothing good could come from this, but he waited and watched anyway.

Needless to say, he was 100% right, and one of the poor men who had been playing pool was thrown across the room by a slightly larger and burlier patron. As was customary, Fred waited for one of the men to get a good enough punch to incapacitate the other before stepping in.

"Hang on, hang on, let me through..." he pushed through the crowd surrounding the pair. He held up a small mirror to the downed man's mouth, looking for his breath to fog the glass.

"Nah, he's still alive. Good try though, man," Fred clapped a hand on the remaining man's back.

Almost immediately there were loud cries of protest. More so than usual, anyway.

"I almost won, dammit! You shoulda waited til he finished the job!"

"Shut your mouth- he's still breathin' you'll just have to wait!"

"I could have killed that bastard with my little finger, how'd you fuck this up-"

"Maybe if you leave him there a few more minutes he'll kick the bucket! I say we-"

Fred groaned into his hand. Leave it to Wade to give him a headache. Wade, who had vacated the premises as soon as the verdict was out.

He looked around for a moment before finding a chair to stand on. It wasn't exactly the most stable place to be; what with the swarm of oversized thugs jostling everything around in an attempt to start all out war in his bar, but it would have to do.

"Listen up!" he shouted over the cacophony of voices, "He's still alive and that's that! The verdict has been made, so quit your bitching and get back to drinking. And if any of you have anything further to say, then you-"

"Yo, Weasel!" a new voice interrupted somewhere behind him.

"We got a boy here- says he's some friend of yours. You recognize this guy?" Fred sighed. If there was another college freshman here to try and swindle free drinks out of him, he was going to go out of his freaking mind.

It turns out, he was going to go out of his mind for a completely different reason.

"Hey, Fred." _No_. There was no way that was who he thought it was.

" _Tadashi_?" he whipped around so fast he lost his footing and tumbled rather ungracefully to the floor.

He lay there, dazed for a minute, staring uncomprehending at the ceiling. What was Tadashi doing there?

"Fred, holy shit, are you okay?" the concerned face of Tadashi Hamada hovered into view above him.

He looked as radiant as ever, even in the dingy lighting of the bar. He hadn't changed much over the years, appearance wise. He was wearing a pale yellow cardigan over a white t-shirt, along with his old SF baseball hat. The sleeves of his cardigan were rolled up to his elbows, his scars clearly visible. When he looked at him like this he could almost trace imaginary lines where the rest of his scars were. He remembered how they had looked back in the ICU, covering a good half of his body, curling over his back, his legs, trailing up his jaw...his very kissable jaw.

"What are you doing here?" he blurted out, immediately wishing he had kept his stupid mouth shut. He couldn't help it. He had to stop his mind from going places it should not be.

"I'm here for that robotics convention, remember?"

"There's a robotics convention going on?" he said, proud that the words only came out slightly slurred.

"Yeah, Gogo told you about it. She called you yesterday to make sure you remembered we were coming. Did you hit your head?" his friend asked, reaching a hand out towards his face.

He bolted into an upright position at that. There was no way in hell he was going to let that happen here of all places. If Tadashi put a hand on the side of his face he'd probably be reduced to just staring and drooling. He'd never live it down.

"Uh, nope-I mean a little, but it's fine-no need to worry. So, convention, yeah? Uh, you said Gogo told me about it?" He really didn't hit his head that hard, so he was certain that he and the short fiery woman had no such conversation. She had called yesterday, but all she really asked was if he was going to be at the bar around 3 o'clock...

 _That sneaky son of a bitch_.

"Well, yeah. She said she told you about it a few weeks ago when she was here. And Hiro said she called you yesterday to confirm our plans for the week. Are you sure you're okay? I brought some of my prototype scanners- I have one with me-"

"No, no! It's okay. I'm okay. Just, uh, need a minute," he stuttered out.

She planned this whole thing out. Scratch that- _they_ planned it out. Clearly more than one person was involved in this little scheme, otherwise someone would have spilled the beans to Tadashi. So it was pretty safe to guess all four of his San Fransokyo friends were in on it. Meddlesome kids.

He did not need help with his love life. It was none of their business.

Speaking of business, he suddenly remembered where they were. He looked up at the looming crowd surrounding them.

It was that untimely moment he remembered that while Wade seemed to ignore every time his friends brought up his crush, nobody else in the establishment had. It was fairly well known among them that he had the hots for some guy named Tadashi.

Clearly they had all figured out just who his friend was, if the manic smiles on their faces were anything to go by. He was so screwed.

"Uh, well, buddy, I am glad to see you. I definitely didn't hear anything about this convention though. They were totally lying to your face," he said, brushing his pants off as he stood up. Tadashi followed his lead, stretching his legs from where he had been crouching next to Fred.

"They did what? What-why? That makes no sense," he groaned exasperatedly. Fred gulped.

"Dunno. Maybe they were trying to prank you or something."

"Unbelievable. Okay, go sit down, and I'll scan you in a minute. Just in case," he gave him a worried once over. "I'm going to call Hiro first though. Little punk has some explaining to do." He smiled warmly at Fred before walking to an emptier spot in the room and pulling out his phone.

Meanwhile, Fred made his way back to the counter, trying to act nonchalant about the whole ordeal. Maybe if he acted unaffected enough, they would just let the whole thing go.

As if they were all part of some hive mind, the remaining customers swarmed to him. They didn't even say anything. They just got uncomfortably close and smiled knowingly at him. It was like he was transported back to middle school, when all his classmates found out he had a thing for Alicia Johns. The teasing had been merciless. He had no delusions that now would be any different.

"What do you mean you thought it was a great idea? He fell off a chair and hit his head, Hiro! He could have a concussion! You could have just said 'we think you and Fred could spend some time on your own since it's been a while' you know. And you got Gogo in on it? Who else knew, huh? Everyone. Of course. Unbelievable. You and I are going to have a very long talk about this when you get here," Tadashi's voice rang out in the heavy silence. He really wished his customers would go back to trying to kill each other. This was getting really awkward.

"Well, now that we've covered that I have a new question. Why did you insist on bringing both of our things yourself, when you were planning on leaving me here on my own? All I have is my wallet and a light carry on, Hiro! What did you expect me to do? Run around New York in my birthday suit?" Tadashi exclaimed. Fred almost choked on his own spit. That was not something he should be imagining at a time like this.

"Uh, hey Tadashi? Mind if I talk to your brother for a minute?" he asked timidly. It wasn't always the best to interfere with Tadashi mothering his baby brother.

"Hm? Oh sure. Maybe you can talk some sense into him," Tadashi rolled his eyes as he handed over the phone.

"Thanks," Fred smiled reassuringly at the other. His friend smiled back, but was soon lost in a sea of burly men asking him about what he thought about the city. For all their shortcomings, his customers were nice enough to give him some cover for the conversation he was going to have with Hiro.

"Alright you little bastard, what the hell is going on here," he hissed into the phone. He could be pleasant later. You know, once he figured out just how dead he was.

Hiro's laughter crackled over the phone, "Look man, you've been pining over my idiot brother for way too long. We just figured we'd help you along a bit."

"Okay, I guess I get the whole giving us some alone time thing, but what's with keeping all his stuff? That seems less like some romantic ploy and more like a making your big brother's life difficult one."

"Aww, come on, Fred. It's not that bad. And we did have a reason for it. First of all, you have to convince him to stay with you until I get there. Shouldn't be too hard, especially if you say you'll get to spend more time together that way. And the whole not having clothes thing can be solved just like that!"

"Dude, what are you talking about? I don't have any of Tadashi's clothes in my closet." He wished he did. Then it might seem like the two of them were actually a couple. He was getting way ahead of himself though.

"God, no wonder this is taking you so long to make a move. Just imagine Fred- Tadashi wearing _your_ clothes. Wouldn't you like that?" Hiro needled. If he could reach through the phone he would have been poking Fred in the side.

Tadashi in his clothes? That was...that was very...

His mouth was way too dry now.

"I, uh, I guess that's...um..."

"It's a great idea! Now hang up and start wooing my brother already," Hiro said before letting the line go dead. He was torn between tearing the kid a new one or giving him a thousand dollars. It was a very tough call.

Taking a deep breath and shaking out some of the stiffness in his shoulders, he carefully made his way over to Tadashi.

"So buddy, I think I have a way to help you out..."

* * *

 **A/N: WHat the fuck am I doing it's 5 fucking 21 in the morning my brain hurts why did i write this uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhh.**

 **I mean it was fun but i'm so tired adn i keep spelling everything wrng and i'm juyst going to leave it cuz i;nm so tired ok**

 **i really loved deadpool what a great movie but like evertytime i watch i think about how tj miller voiced fred and played weasel and thatos' how this came to be okay lol i'm very tired going to bed now bye**


	2. Everyone Makes Porn Noises When They Eat

There is one sure fire way to be sure that your feelings for someone aren't purely lust, and that is by watching them wake up first thing in the morning. It didn't count if it was waking up from a nap or in the middle of the night. It had to be in the morning after a regular night's rest. That's when you find out who people really are.

If it was just lust Fred was feeling, then he would probably have been a little put off by first-thing-in-the-morning-Tadashi. He could list off all the things he imagined would turn off other people.

First of all, he had some serious bed head going on. It was painfully obvious he'd been sleeping on his right side since the hair on that side was pushed up into an odd looking half fohawk. If that wasn't enough he had pillow indentations engraved into his face. Not only that, Tadashi dragged himself around like someone had just pulled him out of his grave and he was only partially alive.

Yeah, none of that should have been cute at all, but here he was, smitten as ever.

He found himself longing to brush his hands through that ridiculous looking hair, to trace all those silly marks on his face, to wrap the other in his arms and pepper him with soft kisses...

God, being in unrequited love sucked.

It absolutely did not help that Tadashi apparently decided sometime last night that the pajama pants he'd lent him were unnecessary, and was instead wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and what Fred called his "happy sweater".

That was another thing to add to the list of things he should not find as attractive as he did. That sweater was hideous. It was covered in yellow smiley faces that looked like they had flooded out from early 2000's Wal-Mart logos, was 2 sizes too big on Fred, had holes worn out at the wrists where he stuck his thumbs through, and had a massive brown stain on the front where he'd spilled takeout on it a few years ago. He only wore it when he expected exactly zero people to see him in it, while he was curled up in bed binge watching Netflix.

Tadashi had no right to look so adorable in it.

In fact, he was embarrassed his friend even knew it existed. When he'd been looking though his closet for something for Tadashi to wear however, the other had stopped him to pull out the aforementioned monstrosity. He'd tried to snatch it back, explaining that Tadashi by no means had to wear something so gross, but to no avail. The raven haired man simply grinned before dashing away with the sweater and the pajama pants he'd already been given, locking himself into the bathroom.

It hadn't even been a day, but Tadashi was already doing bad things for his health. He was going to die of heart failure within the next ten hours if he didn't stop being so cute. And if he didn't put some pants on for fuck's sake. There was way too much exposed skin to distract Fred with.

"Want some coffee, buddy? It's nothing special, but it is fresh," he said to the half asleep man in front of him.

He got a gurgled reply that sounded something like an affirmation, so he poured some into a mug and slid it across the small table to his friend. It took about 7 seconds for Tadashi to chug the whole thing.

"Whoa. Okay, here. Have some more," he said, pouring more into the other's mug.

The second one was drunk at a much more sedate pace. He still ended up refilling his mug one more time.

"Y'know, I'm not sure why, but I always pictured you being more of a morning person. You just seem so put together the rest of the time. Now I see that you've been fooling us all along. You must have some sort of clone that you suck all the life out of to stay so on top of it."

Tadashi snorted into his mug. He peered over the rim to meet Fred's gaze, eyes crinkling at the corners. Given the number of years they had known each other, this shouldn't have made his heart stutter in his chest the way it did. Lord almighty, he should put 911 on speed dial for this guy's stay. There was a very large chance he'd need it.

"So...got any plans for the day?" he asked, trying to appear more nonchalant than he felt.

"Mmm. I have to go...somewhere...at, uh...sometime," the other mumbled. He still wasn't quite awake yet. Maybe he needed more coffee.

"Okay... Do you remember if this is a soon sometime or a later sometime?"

There was a long silence while Tadashi thought it over.

"It's... What time is it now?" he asked, tilting his head to the side quizzically. Damn him for being so adorable. And damn his hormones for not leaving him alone.

"It's almost 9 o'clock."

"It's later...I think..." Fred wondered if the people expecting his friend knew he was so incredibly useless in the morning. Hopefully they did, otherwise things could get awkward.

"Hang on, I have...something...in phone..." Tadashi mumbled before getting up and shuffling away. And no, he _absolutely_ did _not_ stare at his friend's incredibly attractive backside. Those boxers did not show off his ass at all. He _totally_ didn't look.

When the other stumbled back over to the counter he resolutely refused to look anywhere besides his face. This frankly, wasn't helping his raging schoolgirl crush because Tadashi was so damn handsome.

Wordlessly, his friend handed his phone over to him before returning to the stool he'd been sitting on and nursing his third cup of coffee. He raised a brow at the other, unsure what it was he was supposed to be doing.

"Calendar," was the only reply he got.

He followed his short but effective instructions and opened up Tadashi's calendar to the current day. It read: Convention prep 1:00. Convention starts 3:00.

"Alright, so we've got plenty of time until then. I usually don't open the bar 'til 11, so if you wanna hang out until then, I'm up for anything. Or if you want to hang out a little longer that's okay too. The guys can handle it if I open up later than usual." And by "handle" he meant they would only be moderately pissed they had to wait for their booze. And by "moderately pissed" he meant there would only be a few bodies littering the sidewalk when he got back. Was it obvious that he was super desperate for his best friend? Thank goodness Tadashi was so oblivious. If he didn't die of the cuteness he'd die from the embarrassment.

"M'kay. Sounds good," said the object of all his inappropriate desires.

"Alrighty then. Want to go get something to eat? I'd offer to make something, but according to Wade my cooking could kill a zombie more effectively than a bullet to the head. So..." he trailed off to the sound of Tadashi's tinkling laughter.

"Well, it would be a shame if I died before the convention, so going out sounds fine," Tadashi smiled brightly at him, and it warmed him straight down to his toes.

He was so caught up in how warm and fuzzy he felt he almost didn't notice his friend bee-lining it for the door. Fortunately for the both of them, he managed to snap out of it in time to slam the door shut before the other walked downstairs and out in public.

"Whoa there, pal. You look cute and all, but I'm feeling like you might want to put some clothes on first," he blurted out, steering him away from the door and towards his room. It took exactly 2.6 seconds before he realized what he'd said and turned as red as a tomato.

 _Please, God, if you exist, do not let him be awake enough to have caught that,_ he begged silently.

"Hmm? Oh, right. Clothes," Tadashi repeated, letting the other lead him through the apartment. He didn't seem to notice Fred's slip up- probably thought he was just kidding.

"I dunno if I want to eat these maple walnut pancakes more or this banana strawberry French toast. What do you think, man?" he asked, looking across the small table to his companion.

It was almost uncanny how Tadashi seemed to illuminate whatever room he occupied. They were sitting at a plain two person table in IHOP, and he still managed to look breathtaking. The sun shone through the window next to them at just the right angle to highlight his features like some ethereal being that came to grace the rest of the planet with his presence. It wasn't even some bright sunny day. It was fucking cloudy, like it was going to start pouring rain, and yet the clouds themselves parted to let this picturesque moment exist. Fucking mother nature was even on Tadashi's side.

"Ooo, those both sound really good. That's a hard choice..." Tadashi's voice broke him out of his thoughts, bringing him back to reality.

He pondered over it for another minute before replying, "Tell you what, how about I get the pancakes, and you get the French toast. Then you and I can split them, so we both get to taste how great they are." He smiled sunnily at Fred.

 _Okay Fred, sharing food was a totally normal friend thing, so don't over think it. It doesn't mean anything. Just remain calm._

"Fred?"

"Oh, yeah, that sounds great, yeah, good idea," he rambled, the words spilling out much too quickly.

"Great," Tadashi said, smiling brightly. He was slowly but surely becoming more like his usual organized self. Except for the clothes he borrowed from Fred, he looked as he always did: calm and collected.

The clothes didn't change much of his appearance. Fred had decided simple was best and stuck Tadashi in a plain blue t-shirt and jeans, as well as a simple black hoodie that was only a little too big on him. He looked good. Well, he always looked good, but Fred thought he looked especially appealing in his clothes. Far too appealing, actually. He thought Hiro was joking when he told him to imagine Tadashi wearing his clothes, but clearly the little bastard had it out for him. The whole experience was nearly coma-inducing.

He let Tadashi order for both of them when the waitress returned while he started texting their San Fransokyo friends furiously.

 _To: SF Buddies - 1_

 _-I cannot fucking believe I let you guys do this to me. You're all demons, and I can't believe I let you drag me into unrequited crush hell._

 _From: Sweet as Honey Lemon_

 _-Awwww Freddy don't be like that :(((((_

 _-We just want what's best 4 u_

 _From: Gogomobile_

 _-yeah dont be such an ass_

 _-woman up_

 _From: Hiro more like Zero_

 _-Did you even ask him out yet?_

 _To: SF Buddies - 1_

 _-No I didn't fucking ask him out yet wtf it hasn't even been a day are you crazy_

 _From: Hiro_

 _-Then I don't see why youre freaking out_

 _-chill_

"Here's your water. Are you sure you don't need anything else?" the waitress asked, smiling politely at Tadashi.

"None for me thanks. You want anything else Fred?" Tadashi asked.

"Uh, nothing for me either, thanks," he replied to the waitress before turning his attention back to his phone.

 _To: SF Buddies - 1_

 _-I'm freaking out cuz you're brother apparently likes walking around in his underwear first thing in the morning. Some warning would've been nice!_

 _From: Gogomobile_

 _-wait seriously?_

 _-please tell me u took a pic_

 _-I need physical proof_

 _To: SF Buddies - 1_

 _-Yes! Save me_

 _-I'm not gonna make it_

 _From: Hiro more like Zero_

 _-lol yeaaa he does that a lot_

 _-I kinda thought you'd have jumped his bones after seeing that._

 _-For real tho, what's taking you so long?_

 _-I served him up on a platter for you!_

 _From: WasaBYE_

 _-Why are we all talking about this? The plane's about to take off! You should have turned off your cell phones by now! It's the rules!_

 _From: Hiro more like Zero_

 _-Well you haven't turned yours off either yet_

 _From: Sweet as Honey Lemon_

 _-Wasabi it's fine we'll turn them off in a minute_

 _-don't worry so much :)_

 _From: Gogomobile_

 _-yeah quit bein such a square_

 _-you better not chicken out on the plan_

 _To: SF Buddies - 1_

 _-Plan? What plan?_

 _-You guys_

 _-I s2g you better tell me what's going on_

 _From: Sweet as Honey Lemon_

 _-sorry Freddy the planes taking off!_

 _-ttyl! :)_

Fred groaned loudly, letting his head fall to rest on the table. He needed new friends. Preferably ones that didn't meddle with his nonexistent love life.

He startled when his screen lit up with a new text. Was someone actually going to give in and tell him what was going on?

 _From: Tadashi HamaDAMN_

 _-lol u ok? U seem a little..._

He looked up sheepishly at his friend. He sort of forgot that Tadashi was there with him. Oops.

"Sorry," he rubbed a hand across the back of his neck," I was just talking to the rest of the gang. I think they're planning trouble."

Tadashi laughed. "Well, that does sound like them. Should I give them a stern talking to?"

"Nah, their plane just took off. They won't be answering anything for a few hours."

"Ah well, too bad. Guess you're just stuck talking to me then," Tadashi winked at him. He fucking _winked_.

"Yeah, guess so..." He sincerely hoped his face wasn't as red as it felt.

They chatted amicably until their food arrived, and during that time Fred was thankfully spared from anymore awkward blushing.

That was changed very quickly by the pornographic sounds Tadashi made while eating.

He was literally _moaning_ into his food. _Moaning_. He had his eyes closed and everything, like he was experiencing true ecstasy.

"Dude, you have to try these pancakes, like right now, they are so amazing," Tadashi said, cutting said pancakes in half and shoving them unceremoniously onto Fred's already full plate.

"Um, ok. You want me to split up this French toast first?" he asked, trying not to act as flustered as he felt. He was still a little shell shocked. He hadn't even tried his French toast yet because he'd been too busy staring at his best friend. His intended first bite was still on his fork, dangling over his plate.

Tadashi leaned across the table and ate the piece of French toast off Fred's fork.

"Nope, pancakes first. Mmm, this really good too," Tadashi nodded in approval at him.

Dear lord, Tadashi just ate off his fork. The fork he was about to eat off of. That was like an indirect kiss kind of thing, wasn't it? For fuck's sake, he really was a middle schooler wasn't he? Indirect kisses, someone shoot him.

He struggled through the rest of the meal, trying in vain to ignore the obscene noises coming from the man across the table. He was stuck somewhere between heaven and hell.

At least the food was delicious.


	3. A Little Bit Of Tadashi In My Life

Tadashi didn't know what he expected when he first showed up to visit Fred.

Actually, there was one thing he expected, and that was for Fred to be expecting him. He was very wrong.

The visit to New York started off kind of embarrassing. Not only did Fred not know he was coming, but Tadashi also got lost on the way there.

It was lucky for him that those two men came along.

He'd been wandering around the neighborhood trying to find Fred's bar, but he just couldn't seem to locate it. He knew the streets of San Fransokyo like the back of his hand, but New York was something else. He was sure he looked every bit like a lost tourist.

In truth, he stuck out a lot in the grungy neighborhood, which led to some rough looking men staring at him. He hadn't noticed at first, but after a while he realized how many eyes were on him.

Now, large quantities of any kind of people staring at him would have been vaguely uncomfortable, but the fact that all of them looked like part of the world's scariest and angriest biker gang really kicked up the discomfort factor. He didn't want to give in to stereotyping, but it was hard not to.

"Hey, kid," a gruff voice asked, accompanied by a large hand on his shoulder. He turned around carefully.

A couple of the men that had been chatting amicably to each other beforehand stood before him. One of them wore a leather jacket with little flames embroidered into its lapels. The other had on a tank top that looked like he ripped the sleeves off with a knife, and greasy brown hair pulled back into a bun. He had to tilt his head back to look them in the eyes. They looked big enough to crush him with their pinkies.

"You lost?" the DIY tank top man asked, sneering down at him. It seemed clear to him that Tadashi didn't belong in the neighborhood.

"Uh, well yeah, actually," he said, not letting the other's attitude deter him. It couldn't hurt to ask for directions, could it?

Embroidered leather jacket started cracking his knuckles, so maybe it could hurt.

"I'm looking for Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children?" God only knows why Fred named it that. He felt idiotic saying it when he knew it was a bar.

The name did grab the attention of the two men in front of him though. Embroidered leather jacket stopped cracking his knuckles and DIY tank top almost looked surprised.

He decided to press on while they were distracted from beating him up.

"My friend runs it- uh, Fred. Though I guess he goes by a different name? Uh, some kind of animal maybe? Like ferret or something?"

"Weasel?" DIY Tank Top asked, taking a step back and giving Tadashi some much needed breathing room.

"Uh, I think so? I don't really know... he uh, he has blond hair? Blue eyes, wears glasses and a beanie sometimes? About my height?" he listed off pieces of Fred's appearance he hoped were the most recognizable.

"Huh. You got a name, kid?" He asked, giving him another look over. His eyes widened a fraction as if he recognized him, but Tadashi was 100% sure he'd never met this man before. Sometime during the conversation, more people had wandered over to crowd around him. He wondered if that was a bad sign.

"Tadashi. Tadashi Hamada," he replied. He glanced around at the rough and tumble group surrounding them.

Almost immediately he saw the looks on their faces change from slightly hostile curiosity to- dare he say gleeful- surprise. Embroidered leather jacket grinned, and Tadashi saw that he was missing a few teeth.

"Why didn't you say so in the first place, kid? We'll take you to Weasel," DIY tank top practically beamed at him.

Tadashi was so stunned by the sudden turnaround of events he didn't protest when the man threw a burly arm around his shoulders and dragged him down the street.

It turned out he was only a block away from Sister Margaret's.

It was chaos in the bar when they shuffled him along inside, people shouting and shoving bodies every which way. He almost collided into a man covered entirely in red spandex on his way out.

The man stopped for a split second, gave him a not so subtle once over, and whistled.

" _Nice_ ," he said, giving him a big two thumbs up. "See you in my wet dreams, Hottie McHotface!"

Tadashi didn't know what to say to that, so he just stared after the strange man as he hightailed it out the door.

"Yo, Weasel!" DIY tank top bellowed, making Tadashi flinch.

"We got a boy here- says he's some friend of yours. You recognize this guy?" The man looked oddly happy about introducing him. Maybe he thought Fred would be excited to see him?

Speaking of Fred, it was good to see him again- even if it was in a room full of hulking brutes. But Fred trusted them, and Gogo and Hiro seemed to like them, so he supposed he could relax.

"Hey, Fred," he called out, smiling at his friend who was standing atop a chair with his back turned.

" _Tadashi_?" Fred exclaimed, eyes widening comically before falling to the floor.

And well, that was super embarrassing. He certainly hadn't meant to cause his friend physical harm.

And then of course he'd learned about Hiro's little prank.

It wasn't all bad though.

He did get to spend more time with Fred, which was nice. It had been a while since they'd last seen each other, and even longer since it had been just the two of them. He missed hanging out with Fred.

After he had scanned Fred for his injuries and they'd sorted out his living arrangements for his stay, the bar returned to what Tadashi assumed was normal.

Fred poured drinks and his clients spread out around the establishment, although some stayed nearby looking weirdly intent at him and Fred.

"So, Weasel's friend, how'd you get them scars?" a muscular lady with lip piercings asked him as she slammed her beer bottle back on the bar.

"Oh, uh, I was in an accident a few years back." He didn't really mind telling other people about it, but he didn't exactly feel like giving out his life's story either.

"What kind of accident? Was it your fault? Like did you set a building on fire and then get stuck in it?" a smaller man with salt and pepper hair piped up behind her.

"Uh, no...?" Tadashi replied. This conversation was getting real weird real fast.

"Guys, don't pester him. And Harold, no one else is dumb enough to do the same thing you did," Fred cut in, setting another beer in front of the lady.

"Hey! Ugly Jack did that one time!" Harold retorted. He didn't refute the dumb part.

Tadashi smiled as Harold and Fred bickered back and forth.

"So, angel, what are you looking for? What's your type?" Someone slid onto the stool beside him.

He switched his gaze from Fred and Harold over to the man next to him. He was tall, though a little shorter than Wasabi, had sandy blond hair in a sweeping undercut, wore a leather vest and had enough muscles to bench press Tadashi.

"Do you like 'em bigger" he asked, flexing his arms a little, "or do you prefer 'em skinnier. Y'know, like on the verge of wimpy?" Well, that was a weird question. Was he thinking about toning the muscles down?

"Are you asking me for workout advice? 'Cause I really don't think I'm the best person to ask about that," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. He was more of a jogging kind of person than a weight lifting one.

The man beside him paused before barking out a sharp laugh.

"You wanna go out sometime, doll? I'll show you a good time and then some-"

" _NO_. You are not showing anyone a good time, least of all him. Please take a beer and go play some pool or something," Fred ordered the other man, shooing him away from the bar.

"Is he dangerous?" Tadashi asked.

"What? I mean, sort of. Everyone here is," Fred replied, scratching his head.

"Oh. Is that why you don't want me going anywhere with him?"

The blood drained out of Fred's face.

"No, that's not-" he sighed, "You know what, buddy? Don't worry about it." He looked resigned for some reason. Tadashi had no idea why though. Had he missed something?

He'd ask Hiro about it later. He'd probably know what was up- although he would probably just laugh at him without telling him what it was.

* * *

"I'm telling you, dude! There is no way Robin and Ted would work out. There's nine whole seasons to prove my point," Fred said, pointing accusingly at him.

About two hours ago they'd settled in to watch at least one movie before going to bed. They had started with The Lorax and had moved onto Horton Hears a Who.

They had stopped paying attention to the movie ages ago. Lord only knows how they had ended up on their current conversation topic.

"I'm definitely not disagreeing," Tadashi laughed, "That finale killed me- and all the good character development they had going."

Fred groaned, " _God_ , I know right? Don't even get me started." He sank back into the couch, letting his limbs flop out.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Tadashi chuckled. He relaxed into the cushions, letting his eyes slide shut.

When he opened them again he found Fred watching him, that odd look on his face again. He didn't know what that look meant, but he really wished he did. He never really saw Fred give that look to anyone else. And Fred never explained it. He just brushed it off like Tadashi was imagining things.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Tadashi asked, bringing a hand up to wipe at whatever might be there.

The look disappeared.

"Nah, man. Sorry, just spacing. Don't worry about it," Fred smiled.

Tadashi wasn't convinced, but he figured he wouldn't push it. He never did. He figured Fred would tell him when he was ready. Ready for what, he had no idea.

"Alright, time to go to bed I think. You must be pretty tired- jet lag and all that. Plus it's getting late. You sure you don't wanna take the bed?" Fred asked as he gathered up his laptop, disconnecting it from the TV.

"I'm not stealing your bed, dude. I already showed up unexpected," Tadashi snorted.

Fred laughed. "You wouldn't be _stealing_ it. You're a guest; you're supposed to use nice things. Which is the opposite you've been doing all night," He looked pointedly at the sweater Tadashi was wearing.

He didn't know why Fred was so displeased about the sweater. Tadashi thought it was cute.

"Besides, the bed's a lot comfier than this couch."

"Keep trying, Fred. Nothing's gonna make me change my mind," Tadashi retorted, planting himself firmly along the length of the couch.

"Alright, as long as you're sure..." Fred trailed off in a singsong voice. He wandered away to go grab some blankets for his friend.

"Thanks." Tadashi smiled when he returned, burrowing under the one Fred tossed over his face.

"No problem," Fred replied. The odd look returned before Fred reached down to tuck another blanket around him. "Have a good night, buddy."

"Night, Fred," he mumbled, eyes drifting shut. He thought he heard a light sigh and then the flip of a light switch before he succumbed to sleep.


	4. Being Stuck in the Closet SUCKS

Fred was stuck in the closet. Not the metaphorical closet that many other people struggled with- he was past that, thank you very much- he was trapped in an honest to God physical closet.

And whether you'd count it as misfortunate or not, he was not alone.

He was trapped in his somehow not metaphorical closet with Tadashi. Who was his metaphorical closet crush. Did it count as a closeted crush if everyone else knew you liked the person, but the person themselves had no idea? Were closeted crushes even a thing? God, he needed to get out of this closet right now.

Why was his luck so bad? They were just supposed to find a mop for fuck's sake. He never should have volunteered to help clean up their coffee. It wasn't like they would have been angry if he hadn't. They were all just so busy with the convention going on, he figured it would be best if he cleaned it up. The poor kid that bumped into Honey and inadvertently caused her to drop all seven of their coffees had offered to help, but Fred waved him off. The kid was practically in tears, so he told the guy not to worry about it. No need to cry over spilled coffee after all.

The kid reluctantly let Fred go find a way to clean up the spill, but only because he was under a time limit and had been waiting months for the con. Tadashi on the other hand, refused to let Fred clean up everything on his own and insisted on tagging along.

Fred tried to convince him to stay at his booth, but it was in vain. When Tadashi Hamada decided to help people he became the most stubborn unmovable pile of bricks in the world. He just patted him consolingly on the shoulder and told him Hiro would handle it. Never mind the fact Hiro had his own booth nearby that needed tending. Still, he would not be persuaded otherwise, so Fred eventually gave in.

They first went to the bathrooms to try and get paper towels, but unfortunately they used hand dryers. And there was no way in hell they were going to try and take toilet paper out of a bathroom flooded with convention goers. That would just be bad.

So they went looking for a mop.

Miracle upon miracles they actually found a janitorial closet with the door opened. Now, the convention was pretty busy with lots of people milling about and jostling things, so when the door shut they didn't really think about it. Until they tried to open it of course. Because they were apparently idiots, they hadn't checked to see if the handle was locked when they wandered in. Hence, their current situation.

They tried banging on the door and yelling, but like he said- the con was pretty busy. There were lots of mechanized gadgets whirring and things exploding (intentionally), and hordes of people trying to talk over each other. It wasn't surprising that nobody heard them. It was, however, extremely disappointing.

And as luck would have it, Tadashi left his phone back at the booth. Fred's had died about 10 minutes before they started their search.

"There's a window. Maybe if we can reach it we can get out," Tadashi sighed. Fred looked up and sighed too. It wasn't a very big window. Buuuuut...one of them might be able to fit through it.

On the other hand, it also wasn't a very big closet. There was barely enough room in there for the janitor's supplies and them, so moving at all was tricky.

"Well," he said, drawing out the word, "I guess if one of us gets out they can come around and open the door from the hallway. Unless it's locked from the outside too." With Fred's luck it would be.

Tadashi grimaced. "Yeah, let's hope not. So which of us should, uh..." he glanced meaningfully at the window.

"You should probably be the one to climb out. You know the building's layout better than I do. Plus, you got places to be. So if one of us gets stuck in here forever, it might as well be me," Fred sighed dramatically. "Don't forget about me. Remember the young me when you're old and gray and commanding an army of medical robots."

Tadashi laughed and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"Oh _never_. How could I forget the magnificent Fredzilla? I really don't think it's possible." He smiled at Fred, and the other felt butterflies in his stomach. He probably had that dumbass look on his face again. The one everyone said made it clear he was so whipped.

He cleared his throat.

"Oh I don't know. New superheroes pop up every day. One day I'll fade into obscurity, and no one will think about the guy who used to go fight crime in a fire-breathing lizard costume," he said, smiling ruefully.

Tadashi's gaze softened, and he reached out to squeeze one of Fred's hands.

"I wouldn't," he spoke quietly. His voice and expression were so gentle and sincere it made his heart do back flips in his chest.

He squeezed Tadashi's hand back gently. "I'll hold you to that."

The smile he got in return was enough to take his breath away.

He would have like to hold Tadashi's hand and stare into his eyes a little longer, but alas, there was work to do.

"Okay, so maybe if I crouch down like this-" he said, awkwardly bending to one knee, "-and I give you a boost, you'll be able to reach the window."

Tadashi shuffled his feet and reluctantly put his foot on top of Fred's joined hands.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" he asked hesitantly. He peeked down at Fred's face, frowning.

He smiled in response. "Yeah man, go for it. This is our best shot."

Tadashi sighed but complied all the same.

It was not the most comfortable position for Fred to be in, but that was okay. It's not like it would last forever. In fact, the worst thing was not how uncomfortable crouching in the tiny closet was- it was that there was a small patch of uncovered skin taunting him.

Tadashi's shirt had ridden up just the slightest bit as he lifted his arms, exposing a strip of soft skin much too close to Fred's face. He tried to look away and ignore it, but it was making his brain short circuit. If his brain ever regained the ability to work properly after this, someone would have to call the Vatican, because it would be a goddamn miracle.

Like looking through a dream, Fred watched Tadashi hoist himself up and partway through the window. His weight lifted from Fred's hands, and Fred let out a quiet sigh of relief when Tadashi's stomach was no longer right in front of him.

"Um, Fred?" Tadashi called, so quiet he almost didn't hear.

"Yeah buddy?"

"I just remembered something."

"What's that?"

"We're on the second floor."

"..."

"..."

"... _Fuck_."


	5. A Fun Night in the House of Depravity

By some miracle, the two were rescued from their personal closet hell. The janitor showed up about twenty minutes after the window debacle to grab a mop. Oh the irony.

The whole gang had a good laugh about it when they found out.

The rest of the day passed by in relative peace, and it was pretty cool seeing what everyone had been working on. He wandered around the rest of the convention too, looking at the rest of the latest tech scientists could dream of.

By the end of the day the gang agreed that they could all use some time to celebrate and unwind. So naturally they all (minus Fred) decided that Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children was the place to do that. Fred hadn't wanted to go back and face his nosey patrons, but the rest of the group was unrelenting. Even Tadashi was against him on the matter. Apparently he wanted to spend more time in the bar he'd only heard about in the past few years.

So it was that Fred found himself being hustled into his own establishment against his will.

At least he didn't have to work tonight.

He called in one of his employees that morning to cover his shift. Kid said she could use more money anyway, so why not. Plus it kept the bar from being opened late, which in turn kept his clientele from rioting outside on the street. She could hold her own if they had started rioting though. She was underage, but she was highly recommended by Wade. Plus she was like an x-man in training or something. That seemed trustworthy.

"So Fred, we get to drink for free right?" Hiro asked, sidling up to him. The rest of the group was busy shoving themselves into a booth.

"Hey, you're already underage, so don't push your luck," Fred snorted.

"Only by like 7 months!" Hiro protested.

"Well, you're still underage, so just be glad I'm letting you drink anything." Hiro pouted at him, and he did his damnest to ignore him, but alas- he had a weakness for Hamadas.

"Fine. You can get two drinks for free. _Only two_ ," he said, trying to appear stern. The other whooped in response and skipped over to the others to tell them the good news. Meanwhile, Fred sighed as we went to relay the news to the bartender.

"Two free drinks for each of your nerds. Got it," she repeated back to him. "So what are you doing here? I thought you were busy." She raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow to judge him.

"I am. I'm busy keeping 'my nerds' entertained. It's not my fault they wouldn't go drink somewhere else."

She snorted indelicately at him in response.

"So I hear your huge gay crush is in town. Is that him in your clothes over there?"

"How did- never mind. Dumb question. And yes, but how the hell did you know those were my clothes?"

"Well it's not like you wear a uniform or something. I've seen you wear those before. Besides, they have your signature look of lame on them. They look slightly less lame on him though."

"Hey," he started to protest, "My clothes aren't lame."

"FRED GET OVER HERE," Gogo bellowed at him from across the bar, startling him out of his conversation.

"DON'T GET OVER HERE 'TIL YOU GET ME A DRINK FIRST- SCOTCH PREFERABLY," shouted Hiro. Little shit.

He groaned, but complied anyway. While Ellie got Hiro's drink ready he watched Honey make her way over to the stereo and hook her iPod up to it. She smiled and popped her way back to the booth after putting on something that sounded like it belonged in a nightclub. It was loud, and the bass reverberated through the floorboards.

More than a few heads turned at the change in atmosphere, but nobody got up to change it. Most likely because they knew the girls would beat the tar out of them if they did.

It was fun having the gang around.

* * *

"Freeeeed~! Tell Gogo I'm smart. Like _smart_ smart. The smartiest."

Fred tried to stifle his laughter in Wasabi's shoulder. God, if there was one thing he loved more than seeing his friends, it was seeing his friends lose all their inhibitions. And some of their sanity.

Tonight was a very special night because it wasn't just anyone getting drunk. No, tonight was one of the rare nights a certain adorable nerd decided there was no reason to stay sober. It didn't happen often, but every once in a while the gang would convince Tadashi to have a few drinks, and he would get _plastered_.

It was the fucking best.

"Yeah, buddy, I'll do that," he snickered, exchanging amused glances with Honey. She hid her smile behind her martini glass.

"You gotta do it now though. 'Fore I forget. Nooooow," he whined.

"Alright, alright. Gogo, Tadashi is very smart. I need you to know that," he turned to her, trying to keep a straight face.

"I'll believe it when I see it," she smirked back. There was a little color in her cheeks-probably from the numerous drinks she'd already had. She wasn't anywhere near drunk though. She was certainly good at holding her liquor.

"I am! I design robots and do lots of coding and- and stuff," Tadashi exclaimed before launching into a long detailed description of the codes he'd been writing. It was truly impressive how coherent he sounded.

He continued on his technical rambling until he got distracted by a beer bottle smashing against one of the walls.

"Wow! Did you see that?" he turned around in his seat and clutched the backrest of his chair like a small child, eyes wide open in awe at the sight of beer dripping down the wall.

"Oh lord," Fred grumbled. "Hey, cut that out! Which one of you is breaking shit in my fine establishment?" he yelled over the din of the bar. Nobody answered, but there was a group of people having a ferocious stare down in one corner, and a larger number of college students looking nervously at them. Don't ask him why there were so many college students in his house of depravity- he honestly didn't know why they were there. Maybe they were drawn to Honey's music choice as the night wore on. It wasn't important. More business anyway he supposed.

"I should probably go break that up," Fred sighed as he began to peel himself off his seat.

"No! It's your night off, Freddy! And you promised to spend it having fun with us, so stay right where you are. Tadashi go make sure he doesn't get up," Honey pointed accusingly at him.

"How's he supposed to-"

- _make sure I don't get out of my seat_ , he was going to say. It turns out that drunk Tadashi thought the best way to do that was by sitting in his lap.

Scratch that- not sitting- _straddling_ his lap.

He immediately stopped moving, unable to comprehend what was happening. When he said "house of depravity" this was not the kind of depravity he meant. There was a very small part of his brain that was telling him to glare at the smug looks of satisfaction on his friends' faces, but unfortunately the rest of his brain was too busy short circuiting to follow through.

He wasn't sure when it happened, but at some point Tadashi had wrapped his arms around Fred's neck and shoved his face under his chin.

"You have to staaay~," he whined, nuzzling into his collarbone.

He really didn't think he was capable of moving anyways. He could barely remember how to breathe, much less stand up and start walking. Oh God, he was going to die. They'd find him in the obituaries tomorrow with the caption "Died by Unrequited Crush Overload". They'd probably stick on a picture of his face with his "I'm so whipped" look on it.

There was a flash to his right, and he glanced over at Honey's unrepentant smile.

"I'm keeping this forever," she giggled before flipping her phone around to show them all the picture. It would have been cute if Fred didn't look like he was having an aneurism in it.

"Oh my God, you have to send that to me. I'm going to make a giant poster of it and hang it in the apartment," Hiro said, grinning from ear to ear.

 _That_ snapped Fred out of his stupor.

"YOU MOST CERTAINLY ARE NOT," he yelled in panic. He startled Tadashi so bad, he nearly fell off his lap, but Fred grabbed him by the hips. The others just laughed at him.

"Freeeed...too loud," Tadashi pouted, lip sticking out adorably and arms crossed in indignation. He had to remind himself not to get distracted by how cute that was when there was a serious problem on his hands.

His metaphorical hands that it is- his physical hand were full of something else. Namely a really cute, really drunk dork that was all too pleasing to look at and hold...

 _Focus_ _Fred_.

"For the love of all that is holy and unholy, do _not_ do that," he begged Hiro, breaking his gaze away from the ridiculously cute picture on his lap.

"Eh, I'll think about it."

He opened his mouth to protest some more, but he got cut off by the sound of a fight breaking out.

He snapped his head in the direction of the commotion, along with everyone else in the bar. College students screamed and pressed themselves against the walls when they saw the knives come out.

"For the love of- Ellie, no! No powers in the bar or you'll make an even bigger mess to clean up!" he was about to relinquish his hold on Tadashi and break up the fight- not something he did often, but hey, he didn't really want someone dying in his bar with Tadashi here- when a blur of red burst in.

"Alright! Knife fight, I'm in~!" Wade belted before throwing himself into the fray.

This could only end badly.

"Wade, Don't you dare-"

A few chopped off limbs, a lot of screaming, and about a minute later, Wade skipped over to Fred.

"Weasel! Guess who made a shit ton of green over the last few weeks- and I'm not just talking about bowel movements either- bad chimichangas in Kansas, let me tell you," he sang as he reattached an arm to its bleeding stump.

"That's disgusting, and you're getting blood all over everything."

"Oh, someone's going to pretend like that doesn't happen every week huh? Fine. Be that way. I'll just shower my affections on someone else. Like maybe the hot piece of ass you've got situated on your lap. Who knew you had it in you- or should I say on you?" Tadashi blinked while Fred spluttered.

"Oh, you're that weird guy from before," he said, tilting his head at him before shrugging and snuggling into Fred's shoulder. A drunk Tadashi was a cuddly Tadashi.

"That's right hot lips; I will always be that weird guy. It's my calling. That and killing for hire. I'm an expert at both.

" _Wade_ ," Fred warned. He loved him and all, but he was never going to be ready for him hitting on his crush. That was just a giant no.

"Oooh, shivers. I love it when you talk dirty to me. Say 'week old laundry'- that'll really get me going."

" _Dude_."

"Are you two done having your weird fest yet?" Gogo asked.

"No," they both replied.

"I don't know why you're being so withholding, sweet cakes. I came all this way for you."

"You got blood all over my bar and scarred a bunch of students for life. You could at least go clean it up."

"Ugh, fine, Mr. I-can't-handle-a-little-blood-and-a-few-detached-limbs-on-my-floor. If it means that much to you, I'll go bother Negasonic whatever instead."

"If you blow another hole through my wall-"

"It wasn't me! I got blown up too!"

"It was your fault, and you know it."

"Fine!" the other pouted and slinked off.

He sighed and took a swig of his beer. When did his life become this way.

"Fred, your friend is weird," Tadashi mumbled into his neck. In all the commotion Fred almost forgot he was there. Which was truly amazing, considering how distracting it suddenly became again. He realized he could feel warm puffs of air against his neck, and became hyper aware of the fact that his hand was still clasped around Tadashi's waist. It felt incredibly nerve wracking and exhilarating at the same time.

"Whelp, it's getting pretty late. I think we should hit the hay," Hiro said, standing up and stretching.

"Wow, yeah it's already past midnight. Time really does fly when you're having fun," Honey stated cheerfully. She pranced away to collect her things.

"Oh by the way, I figured it would be more cost efficient if I just got a single. So Tadashi's gonna keep staying with you."

"Um, _excuse_ me?"

"Woman up, Fred. You know you like it anyways."

"Oh no, you guys are not doing this to me right now," he started.

"Aww, just look at him though. He's already asleep. Plus, it's much easier to get him upstairs than it would be to get him to a hotel," Wasabi chimed in much too logically.

Fred glanced down and saw that he was right. Tadashi was sound asleep in his arms. And wasn't that just a dream come true- though not at all like he imagined it. Fuck. He was so screwed.

"Don't disturb the sleeping beauty, Fred," Hiro smirked at him. Smug little bastard. "Just pick him up and carry him. He sleeps like a rock, so you don't have to worry about waking him up. We'll even get the doors for you."

Fred really wished he had a good enough reason to tell them this was a bad idea. Unfortunately he had had too much to drink to come up with a plausible lie. Damn.

It looks like he was stuck in unrequited crush hell for the week.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm updating all the fics i have on this site that i forgot about because i need to escape from these hellish election results.**


	6. Smile, Fred- It Could Be Worse

"Just letting you know- Tadashi turns into the world's most clingy koala when he's drunk. You probably realized that earlier, but you reprimanded me for not telling you what he's like before so..." Hiro smirked at him. Little shit.

"I swear to God, one of these days I'm gonna kick your ass."

Hiro gasped in mock hurt. "Why Frederick! I'm just trying to help you out with your hopeless love life. And I'm doing it all out of the kindness of my heart. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"You know what? I'm not sure you have any kindness in your heart, so I refuse to feel bad about it," Fred snorted.

"Lover boy's got a point there pipsqueak," Gogo said as she held open the door to Fred's apartment.

"Freddy, I think Tadashi drooled a little on your shoulder," Honey chimed in behind him.

He peeked over his unconscious friend's head and saw a small dark mark on his shirt. He sighed. It did feel a little wet.

"If he weren't so cute I'd be super grossed out by now," he told them. They just laughed and patted him consolingly on the back,

"Hey, it could be worse. He could have thrown up on you instead."

"Yes, thanks for that, Hiro. I'll keep it in mind." He rolled his eyes at the younger boy. He was right though. It could definitely be worse. It was only a tiny spot anyway.

"Have fun, Freddy. We'll see you again tomorrow," Honey chirped, kissing him quickly on the cheek before skipping out of his apartment.

"See ya, lover boy."

"Try not to die before tomorrow."

"Don't forget to keep him hydrated and give him some pills in the morning. And put a trash can nearby in case he needs it. Oh, and-"

"Alright, alright, I get it. Don't worry Wasabi; I'll take good care of him. Now get going before the others leave you behind," he chuckled, shifting the weight in his arms.

"Okay, but-"

"Wasabi get your ass down here!" Hiro hollered up the stairs. Wasabi stuttered out a goodbye and some apologies before running off into the night with their friends.

Fred sighed as he kicked the door closed. What was he going to do now?

First off, he had to put Tadashi down somewhere. He looked at the blankets piled on his couch, then at his friend, then back to the couch. Yeah, no. He wasn't going to make his poor friend wake up hung-over on his couch. He'd just tuck Tadashi in his bed and take the couch for himself. That was the nice thing to do.

He walked into his room and gently peeled the other off of him, laying him carefully on the covers.

Should he change his friend's clothes? It wasn't very comfortable to sleep in jeans. Tadashi wouldn't mind, would he? He seemed perfectly fine walking around in his boxers first thing in the morning, so this wouldn't be that different, right? He gulped. Maybe he should just try to wake Tadashi up and ask him.

"Hey, buddy. Tadashi? Wake up for a second, man," Fred shook him lightly by the shoulder.

Tadashi's eyes blinked open slowly before coming to rest on him. Now, it had already been a full day and then some that they'd spent in each other's company, so you'd think Fred was prepared to look Tadashi in the eye. He was not.

"Uh..." he said. He was going to ask him something. He knew that much. As soon as the warm chocolatey eyes met his he just lost all capability of functioning like a normal human.

Tadashi blinked dazedly at him a few more times and yawned. He reached out a hand to run it up and down Fred's arm and hummed contentedly. Fred thought it was meant to comfort him, but really it was just making it harder for him to form a coherent thought. He picked at a hole in Fred's sleeve.

"Oh right!" Fred snapped out of his stupor, startling Tadashi. "Sorry, buddy. Uh, did you want to get changed? Not very comfortable sleeping in clothes, you know? I mean, like normal day clothes. You know, I don't mean you should be sleeping without clothes on. Not that I think you would. Or I mean, I guess if you wanted to-" he rambled on. Classic Mean Girls word vomit moment.

Tadashi just stared at him in silence. God, his face felt so hot right now he thought he'd combust from embarrassment.

"Mmm'kay," he finally said. Fred blinked. Tadashi sat up and started peeling clothes off. Fred blinked again before he realized that he'd have to get something else for Tadashi to wear if he didn't want a cute but naked robotics engineer on his bed. Which he did want, but not like this, and certainly not right now before he'd even confessed to the guy.

He rushed over to the couch where Tadashi had left the pajama pants he'd been given the night before and snagged a clean shirt out of his dresser. He held out the items to Tadashi- who was now only in his boxers, dear Jesus someone save him- and his friend plucked the shirt out of his hands, completely disregarding the pants.

He looked at it for a minute before turning his attention to Fred and pouting. "Freeeed. Noooooo. That's not the right one," he whined.

"What?" he said perplexed. Did he ask for a specific shirt or something while Fred was busy staring at him like an idiot?

"Smiiiiles. Smiles smiles smiles!" Tadashi said, tugging on his sleeve like a little kid. It was kind of funny and super cute, but Fred was very confused.

"The smiley one Fred! Smiles all over! I want the smiley one," he said, voice quivering. The smiley one? Oh God.

"What? Dude, no. Come on, that things terrible. I'll get you another sweater instead," he tried to reason with his inebriated friend.

"Noooo. I want smiles," Tadashi pouted again, crossing his arms and looking petulantly at him. He sighed. He had a great weakness for those big brown eyes- even when they were being ridiculous.

He walked back into the living room and grabbed the sweater off the floor, handing it over to his friend as he sat down beside him.

"Here you go, buddy." The smile he got in response was blinding.

"Yay! Smiles! Smiles smiles smiles smiles!" Tadashi cheered as Fred stifled his laughter behind his hand. This boy was going to be the death of him.

"I don't know why you like that sweater so much. It's like 50 shades of gross, dude," he chuckled as he helped the other pull it over his head and arms.

"It smells like you," Tadashi said, effectively shutting Fred up. He hadn't actually expected a response and even if he had it wouldn't have been that. Tadashi snuggled down under the covers and curled his arms around Fred's waist like he was a teddy bear.

Fred forgot how to breathe.

"I like it," Tadashi yawned into his hip.

Fred breathed out slowly. "Well, it suits you better," he said weakly.

"Ngh?"

"Yeah," he chuckled. "It's all smiley like you." He reached a hand down to brush Tadashi's hair out of his eyes.

"I'm smiley?" he asked, tilting his head slightly to peer up at him.

"Yeah. You are. It should be your nickname," he joked.

Tadashi gave a small smile. "You've never given me a nickname before," he whispered, looking a little sad but pleased. Fred felt a little pang in his heart at that. It wasn't like he hadn't thought of nicknames for him before. It was just that none of them seemed to fit quite right. Either that or they were too embarrassing to say to his face. For example, he wasn't brave enough to call Tadashi "Ridiculously Hot Nerd" all the time.

"Well, that can be your nickname now. Does that sound okay?" he asked quietly. Tadashi smiled and nodded, nuzzling his face into Fred's side.

"Okay, buddy, time for bed," he said, carefully prying the other's arms off of him.

Tadashi looked crestfallen, and Fred swore he could see tears in his eyes. Fuck.

"Stay," he said, pulling at the hem of his shirt. His eyes were wide and pleading. How could Fred say no to that?

"Yeah. Sure thing, bud. I just have to change first, okay?" Tadashi looked hesitant but nodded and let his grip loosen enough for Fred to slip away.

He picked his discarded pajamas off the floor and glanced back at the other, but he had already turned over and bundled himself under the covers.

He considered for a brief moment, simply turning the lights off and walking out before the other could stop him. Then he thought of how vulnerable Tadashi had looked and decided he wasn't that big of an asshole to do that. He changed quickly and shut the lights off before carefully making his way to the bed.

For a moment after he slipped under the covers he wondered if Tadashi had already fallen asleep, but then he turned around to burrow into Fred's warmth. Fred froze for a second before he mentally told himself "screw it" and wrapped his arms around him. Tadashi let out a sigh of content.

Fred waited for the other's breathing to even out again and squeezed a little tighter. He fell asleep soon after, heart still pounding in his chest.


	7. Kill Me Softly With Cuddles

Tadashi was never going to drink again. From now on he was going to live a pious life that was alcohol free. He was vowing it here and now, hunched over Fred's toilet as he hurled out his insides.

"There, there. You'll be fine," Fred crooned, rubbing his back in consolation. He could only moan miserably in response.

Once he was done emptying his guts he grabbed a wad of toilet paper to wipe his mouth and flushed everything down the toilet. God, puking was the worst. He collapsed back into Fred's arms and groaned.

"Here, take these pain killers and drink some water," Fred instructed, handing Tadashi a pair of white pills and a glass of water. Where he got them, Tadashi didn't know. Then again, he had plenty of time to get them after Tadashi had lurched out of bed to throw himself at the bathroom.

"Thanks," he mumbled. All he really wanted to do was take a nap for the next fifty years, but it was nice to wash the taste of vomit out of his mouth. He sighed heavily, leaning father into Fred's chest. The arm around his middle tightened slightly.

Fred gulped. "Alright, let's get you back to bed. You don't have anything planned today, do you?" he asked.

Tadashi shook his head and then groaned again. That had not been a smart move on his part. He swore his brain was trying to kill him for last night.

"Oh...wait... I think I was supposed to do something with the others?" He tried to remember, but rational thought was just a little too far out of his reach.

"Yeah?" Fred asked. "I'll call them. They'll probably understand. You had a wild night," he chuckled.

"Ugh. I'm never drinking again. Curse you all for doing this to me. Dishonor on you. Dishonor on your family. And most of all dishonor on your cow." He turned his head so that it was placed beneath Fred's chin.

He thought he felt Fred stiffen a bit, but the other just laughed in response.

"Fair enough. Up we go," he said, tucking an arm underneath Tadashi's knees, and another around his back, lifting him bridal style to carry him to bed. Tadashi would complain about it, but frankly his head was still spinning and he was tired.

Fred meanwhile was trying not to combust.

Oh God, what had he been thinking when he picked Tadashi up?! What if he dropped him?! What if Tadashi thought he was being weird?! What if Tadashi puked on him?! What if he tripped?! What if Tadashi found out about his huge gay crush on him?! THERE WERE TOO MANY WAYS THIS COULD GO WRONG.

 _Okay, Fred. Calm down. Think rationally. You just have to make it back to bed,_ he thought to himself.

 _Oh God, don't think about beds though. And definitely don't think what happened last night in that bed._

 _Shit fuCk dAMmiT fucKING FUUUUUUCK!_

This was not working out well for him, and it had only been two seconds.

Tadashi groaned quietly and nuzzled into his collarbone which absolutely did not help the situation. Damn him for being so cute.

He swallowed and ever so carefully started walking towards his bed. It wasn't far- everything would be _fine_.

It was with great relief that he set the other down mere moments later. He was pretty sure the whole ordeal had taken about ten years off his life, but it was _worth it_ because holy fuck he got to carry Tadashi Hamada in his arms.

"Okay, Smiles hang tight. I'm gonna go call your brother and get the deets."

Tadashi perked up a bit at that. He peeked out from the sheets he had thrown over his head. "Smiles?"

Fred flushed. "Oh. Uh, yeah. We sort of decided to make it your nickname last night? I mean, you were pretty wasted, so I guess you wouldn't remember. Actually I think we were saying 'Smiley', but that felt a little too Miley Cyrus, so I changed it. Oh, but we were talking about the sweater. You know- the one you're, uh, wearing right now. You were really like- you wouldn't wear anything else. It was kinda funny. But uh, yeah. Smiles. We can call you something else if you don't like it. It's not important," he rambled, unable to stop himself.

He glanced at Tadashi after a few moments of awkward silence.

Tadashi had ducked back underneath the sheets and was... shaking? Oh God was he crying because Fred chose such an awful name for him?!

"Uh... is it that bad? I can totally change it! Uh, we can call you, um..." he trailed off. He was having a serious brain fart right now. Oh God, he was such a terrible friend. He was going to march to the police station and turn himself in for making Tadashi cry. Yeah, that was totally reasonable.

He started to get up, but a hand shot out to stop him.

"No, no. I like it. It's cute," Tadashi said, smiling up at him. There were some tears in the corners of his eyes, but that was only because he'd been trying to hold back his laughter. He took one more look at Fred's panicked face and completely lost it. It probably wasn't a good idea to laugh so hard after he'd just puked, but he couldn't help it. Fred was just so concerned about Tadashi being offended at being called "Smiles" of all things.

Fred just stared. There was a part of him that was crying in relief that he hadn't scared off Tadashi forever by giving him the worst nickname of all time, but it was muted by the sheer adorableness that was Tadashi laughing. He joined in after a second because it was indeed ridiculous to be so worried over such a thing, and also because Tadashi's laughter was just plain infectious.

It took a few minutes for them to calm down, but it happened eventually. It would have happened faster if Tadashi would stop _giggling_. It was too cute. It made Fred smile so hard it hurt his cheeks.

"Okay. No more. No more giggling. I have to call Hiro," he told Tadashi, trying his hardest not to smile back at his beaming friend.

He plucked himself off the bed and grabbed his phone off the dresser before beating a hasty retreat to the hallway. _Get it together, Fred_ , he told himself.

He called Hiro twice before the other answered.

"Ugh, what?"

"First of all, you're the worst. Second of all, are you guys supposed to do something with Tadashi today? He's too hung over to remember. Plus, you know, mornings aren't really his thing."

Hiro huffed on the other end of the line. "I'll take that first point with pride. And yeah. Nothing official or anything though. We were just going to hang out. We figured he wouldn't be up for doing much after a night of drinking."

"Been planning this a while, huh? Wish I could say I was surprised. Well, anyway... I guess you guys can just hang over at my place then. Ha. 'Hang over', get it?" he laughed at his own joke.

"That was terrible. You're terrible. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your family-"

"Dishonor on my cow. I get it. You Hamadas and your Mulan references," he chided.

"It's an iconic movie. And fine. Just tell the others what's up. I'll come over in a couple hours," Hiro said.

"Aren't you awake right now? Or have you been sleep talking this whole time? Does it really take you that long to get ready?"

" _Bye, Fred_ ," Hiro said curtly before the line fell dead.

Fred laughed to himself a little more before texting the rest of the group. It looked like the dislike of mornings ran in the family.

* * *

An hour later the whole gang sat at Fred's table sucking down pancakes. Hiro had changed his mind about getting extra sleep once he heard there would be food. The boy was practically inhaling his food- Fred was concerned he was going to choke.

"What's on the docket for today?" Honey asked, chipper as ever. She was far too chipper for someone who had drank enough martinis for a small army last night.

Gogo popped a large pink bubble- didn't she ever stop chewing gum- before answering. "Clearly we can't leave this apartment. Hamada the older isn't in any shape for that. So whatever we do will have to be here." She smirked at Tadashi's ruffled appearance. He stuck his tongue out at her.

"Let's just watch a movie," Hiro said through a mouthful of pancakes.

"It's not polite to talk with your mouth full," Wasabi pointed out while ever so subtly scooting his chair away from the other.

Hiro, ever the gentleman, stuck his half-chewed pancake covered tongue out at him. Tadashi threw a wadded up napkin at him while Wasabi squealed and everyone else groaned.

"A movies not a bad idea though," said Honey. She sipped her glass of orange juice delicately. Truly, she was the only person at the table with any class.

"Sounds good. What do you nerds wanna watch?" Gogo said, lounging back in her chair.

Fred mulled it over in his head. "Well, we can't watch either of the Dr. Seuss remakes. Tadashi and I already watched those."

"Dr. Seuss? Are you guys like five or something?" Hiro snorted.

"You were the one quoting Mulan to me this morning," he accused, jabbing his fork at him.

"Don't pretend you're too old for kid's movies, Hiro. We all know you love them deep down. Not even deep down. Shallowly down," Tadashi chimed in.

Hiro snorted again. "Are you trying to judge me right now, bro? Because I don't think anything you say counts as valid. Not when you're the one wearing that sweater."

Fred slapped a hand over his face. "Oh God." He took a swig of orange juice.

"I don't know why you guys are so weird about this sweater. I think it's cute. Plus, it smells nice," Tadashi frowned.

Fred choked on his drink.

Everyone turned to look at him, and he subsequently wished the ground would swallow him up. None of them knew what Tadashi had said last night, including Tadashi apparently. This boy was going to be the death of him without even trying.

"Dude, even I think that thing's terrible," he said, hoping the excuse would work. There was no way he was going to admit that Tadashi had told him the sweater smelled like him last night. That would be way too embarrassing. Imagine all the blackmail material they could get from that.

"Hmm. I think you're all crazy. And I also think we should watch Mulan since it keeps coming up this morning," Tadashi said, brightening up.

They all agreed, although the rest of the group was still giving Fred suspicious looks.

* * *

They got to the Huns pulling themselves out of the snow after the avalanche before Tadashi nodded off again.

He was sandwiched between Fred and Hiro on the couch, Honey on Hiro's other side and Gogo and Wasabi sitting on the floor. He hadn't thought about it earlier, but Fred was now certain that this seating arrangement was on purpose.

Not only because Fred and Tadashi were right next to each other, but also because Hiro was very adamant about Tadashi not sleeping on his shoulder. That of course meant that when Tadashi's head started to droop it was on Fred's shoulder.

Fred was beginning to have a hard time focusing on the movie. How could he focus on the Huns planning to attack the emperor when there was a very hot, very sleepy robotics engineer resting on his shoulder? It was near impossible.

Not that he was going to stop Tadashi from doing it. If this was the way he died, then so be it.

He shifted his arm so that it lay on the back of the couch instead of squished between their bodies. Might as well get comfortable.

He almost didn't notice Honey snap a picture of them, but the sound on her phone gave her away. She smiled over at him, turning her phone around to show him the picture.

Tadashi was tucked into his side, snoozing peacefully, and with Fred's arm around him like that they really looked like a couple. It made his heart clench a little. It looked natural. They looked good together. If he didn't know any better, he'd think they looked like an actual couple.

He had Honey send it to his phone. And if the rest of his noticed him set it as his wallpaper- which they surely did- they didn't say anything about it.


	8. Nothing Like A Nice Day of Killer Bots

Sometimes Fred wished he didn't live in New York. Sure, it was great and all, he liked the big city and all its wonders, but so did a lot of other people. And by other people he meant the less friendly super villainy kind. Seriously, the city was basically a super villain hotspot. There was some big bad guy showing up every other week to fuck shit up.

The current week was no exception. It was just Fred's luck that killer robots were trying to take over the city when Tadashi was in town. And because the universe just loved him so much, Tadashi got snatched right from under his nose. By a killer robot that had swooped off into the sky, much to everyone's horror.

"Oh my God, please tell me you guys brought your gear," Fred said as he ran down the street, trying in vain to keep Tadashi in his sights.

"We do, but it's back at the hotel," Honey said helplessly. She squeezed his shoulder as they stood there, staring at the disappearing dot that was their friend.

Hiro stepped forward with a fiery look in his eyes. "We have to get back to the hotel as fast as we can. I'll activate Baymax and he can do a scan for Tadashi."

"The hotel is too far, and there's no way we can get a cab in this chaos," Gogo said, scowling.

Fred was trying very hard not to have a screaming fit.

"Well what else do you suggest we do?" Hiro snapped.

Unfortunately nobody else piped up with a way to save their friend. If only there was a pamphlet for rescuing your loved ones from killer robot armies that swarmed the skies.

"Fred you still have your suit don't you?" Wasabi asked, looking intently at him.

Fred blinked at him in surprise. "I mean yeah, but I haven't like used it in ages. I don't know if everything will work properly-"

"Go put it on," Hiro ordered. "Your apartment's not far and you're our best bet right now. We'll get our gear as fast as we can, but until then try and find my brother. Do whatever you have to do to get him to safety."

Fred nodded, but his whole body felt numb.

He was going to put on the super suit again. After _years_. To save his totally not boyfriend.

God, he was gonna get his ass handed to him.

* * *

Find Tadashi. Protect him at all costs.

Easier said than done.

Maybe if Fred was a little more self serving and morally ambiguous like Wade he wouldn't be having such a hard time. He wasn't like Wade though, so every time he saw someone in trouble he went over to help them out.

They were just normal citizens after all. Fred was wearing a super suit- better that he take a blow instead of them. At least he had lots of experience with it before.

He had to admit that it was kind of fun to get back out there and crush robots beneath his enhanced super jumping feet. It would have been more fun if his fire breath was more effective, but hey, you can't have everything.

Still, as much as he loved helping people out, he couldn't help the sliver of fear that Tadashi needed him more right then. What if by the time Fred got there he was too late? What if Tadashi was badly injured? Even worse, what if he was dead?

No.

He couldn't afford to think like that. Tadashi was alive, and he was waiting for someone to help him.

Fred pushed away any depressing thoughts and focused on kicking a robot into a streetlight. It hit so hard that the light was left with a giant L-shaped dent in it. Oops.

He winced at the damage he was causing. He wished he didn't have to cause so much destruction, but it couldn't really be helped. He'd make a generous donation to the city later.

"Wow that was a powerful kick! Haven't seen you around here before. You do look a little familiar though. Are you new?" a voice above him asked. He looked up in surprise when a masked man dropped down in front of him.

"Uh, no, not really. Retired, actually, but I have to find someone," he said, staring stupefied at the figure in front of him.

"Retired, huh? Well I'm Spider-man-"

"I know who you are," Fred blurted. He was grateful for the mask that was covering up his now red face.

The vigilante in front of him just tilted his head. "Yeah, I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. You got a name then?"

"Not anymore," he replied, suddenly remembering himself. "Listen, it's great to meet you and all, but I really have to-"

"WeeeeeeEEEEAAaaasssssSSEEEEELLLL!"

Oh for fuck's sake. He barely had a moment to prepare himself before a blur of red and black tackled him to the ground.

" _Wade, for the love of all good things_ -"

"Look at you all decked out! And here I thought that I was the one supposed to dress up and rescue the damsel in distress. That is why you're out here isn't it? Because you've never bothered before, but all the sudden this hottie you've been hiding from me rolls into town, and all the sudden here you are kicking robot ass," Wade squealed, hitting him in the chest giddily.

Fred sighed heavily and pushed the other off him before getting unsteadily to his feet.

"Er, a friend of yours?" Spider-man asked. Fred and Wade both turned to look at him. Fred had totally forgotten about the man, but Wade hadn't even noticed him prior to that moment.

"Oh my God! Spider-man! Weasel you didn't tell me you had such a well toned and morally upstanding friend," Wade gasped, fanning himself with his hand.

"You've already met Wasabi, so I'm not sure what you're getting at. And he's not my friend- I just met him like two seconds before you showed up."

Spider-man for his part just looked confused and mildly put off by the other's behavior. Well, as confused and put off as one can when they're covered head to toe in spandex.

"Listen, handsome, I'm totally free later, and I feel like you and I can get into some naughty, naughty business if you know what I mean. And I'm not talking about tax evasion here. I'm thinking of something a lot more sweaty and satisfying- you into maids? Because I have a frilly little number that-"

" _Wade_ ," Fred cut off his flirting after taking a look at their new acquaintance. The vigilante had looked more and more uncomfortable with every word that came out of his friend's mouth.

He really didn't have time for this. It had been almost forty five minutes since Tadashi had been taken- who knows what could have happened to him in all that time?! Fred hadn't even found him yet!

"Duck!" Spider-man shouted before leaping over him and nailing a robot in the face. The next few minutes were spent with the three pounding evil robots into the ground and trying not to get killed. There was no time for chit chat.

Well, except from Wade.

"Do you think robots have to do the nasty to have little robot babies? Do you wonder if we're really killing lots of robot parents, and little robot children are going to go to sleep tonight wondering where their mommies and daddies are?"

Fred and Spider-man both ignored him, although sometimes he caught the red and blue hero throwing incredulous looks at his friend.

"Freddy!" Honey shouted as she lobbed a pink ball at a robot in front of him, gluing it to the ground before Wasabi jumped down and cut off its head.

"Oh look, the Spice Girls are here," Wade said, pointing unnecessarily at his friends as they descended with Baymax.

"We found Tadashi," Hiro said, not bothering to deign Wade with a response. "Baymax says his vitals are still holding up."

"Oh thank God." He breathed out a sigh of relief. They still had a chance.

"More friends of yours I take it," Spider-man said, hopping over the decapitated remains of the robot Wasabi and Honey had taken out.

The group looked at the masked man in various states of surprise. "Fred, you know this guy?" Gogo asked.

He tried not to sigh again. "It's very recent. And thanks everyone for using my real name. It makes the mask super useful."

"Excuse you, that mask lets you breathe fire. It's not just there to hide your ugly mug," Hiro retorted.

"You can breathe fire?" Spider-man sounded impressed, but it was always hard to tell what people were feeling under their masks.

"I don't see why you're annoyed anyway, lover boy. It's not like we've ever been into using special code names before," Gogo said.

He threw his hands up in exasperation. "That was back in San Fransokyo! Where it's full of normal, non-super villain people and not killer robot armies!"

They probably could have gone one bickering for another half an hour, but fortunately there were still some people in the group that had their priorities straight.

"Um, guys? Shouldn't we be concentrating on getting Tadashi back?" Wasabi piped up. He looked nervously around at their surroundings.

Oh right.

"I think the fight's dwindling down. I didn't see that many left on the flight over here," Honey pointed out. Their area had been suspiciously robot free since they arrived.

"Okay, then let's get going," said Fred.

"Whoa whoa whoa. Can't we take a moment to look at some of these guys close up? There's some seriously advanced robotics going on here," Hiro said, poking at a deactivated robot with his foot.

Fred tried to look as reproachful as possible under his mask. "Do you even want to save your brother?"

"I do not believe that is necessary," Baymax spoke up to his left.

"Is that a robot?" Spider-man asked, peering closer at Baymax.

Fred shushed him and stepped towards their robotic companion. "What do you mean by that, Baymax?"

"Tadashi is on his way. There." Baymax pointed at an approaching blob in the sky.

Sure enough, it was Tadashi. He was being bridal carried through the air by a very familiar looking super hero.

Fred tried not to stare when Booster Gold dropped down beside them, letting Tadashi uncurl his arms from around his neck to stand on his own. His hand, Fred noted, stayed resting on Tadashi's waist.

"Here we are at last. Guess I'll have to leave you in the hands of your friends now," Booster Gold laughed.

Fred suddenly found a great dislike for the super hero in the last five minutes. He hated him and his stupid blue and gold suit, with all his stupid futuristic technology, and his stupidly shiny gold hair, and his stupidly shiny smile. It took all his effort not to go up to him and rip his hand off of Tadashi.

"Thanks for everything again. I thought I was a goner," Tadashi smiled sheepishly at the man, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously.

"Oh it's no problem. How could I let those killing machines keep their grubby hands on a pretty thing like you?" Booster Gold said. Fred almost scoffed at him.

He wasn't the only one either.

Blue Beetle, who Fred was only now noticing, was looking rather unhappy at the whole ordeal. In fact, he looked about as unhappy as Fred felt.

Tadashi was just smiling innocently at him, while the man flirted openly with him. Fred thanked the universe that Tadashi was so completely clueless sometimes.

"But you know if you really want to make it up to me, I do have an idea," he grinned, pulling Tadashi a little closer. Fred almost lost it then, but before he could Hiro stormed forward and pulled his brother out of the other's grasp.

To his credit, Booster Gold didn't seem deterred. He just looked amusedly at the stony faces surrounding Tadashi. "Go on a date with me," he said, grinning obnoxiously. He didn't even pose it as a question. What an asshole.

"Okay," Tadashi said, causing all his friends to whip their heads around to gape at him in shock.

"Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow! Dress casual- I'll find you!" Booster Gold said as Blue Beetle dragged him away with a thunderous expression on his face.

As soon as he was out of sight, Hiro rounded on his brother. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!"

"Why did I do what? And do you have to shout? My head hurts from being tossed around like a sack of potatoes by robots," Tadashi replied, pushing his little brother's face delicately away from his.

"What pipsqueak means is: why did you agree to go out with that shiny man you've never met before?" Gogo cut in helpfully.

Tadashi just looked at them in confusion. "Why not? He seemed nice. And he did save me."

"That's not the point!" Hiro shouted. "You've never even been on a date before," he accused, poking Tadashi in the chest.

He frowned at him. "I was busy. Besides, nobody's ever asked me before."

Fred saw some not so inconspicuous glances in his direction, but fortunately for him Tadashi didn't notice.

"I don't see why you're getting so upset, Hiro. What's so bad about me going on a date with him?"

Hiro sputtered, "Because- you can't just- he's not- look, he's not the right guy for you!"

Tadashi crossed his arms in a way that only big brothers could convey their disbelief.

"Really? And who exactly is supposed to be the right guy for me?"

Hiro looked around frantically. "Anyone else want to put their two cents in? Honey? Gogo? _Fred_?" he asked, eyes wide and pleading.

Fred couldn't say anything though. He went practically catatonic after he heard Tadashi agree to go out with Booster Gold. He felt very numb, and very cold.

Tadashi remained unimpressed. "Right. I'm heading back to the bar. Let me know when you want to be reasonable," he said, stalking off.

Gogo and Wasabi hurried after him- partially to make sure he was alright, and partially to make sure he didn't get snatched by any remaining robots. The rest of them meanwhile, stared after them in silence.

"Um, I know I just met you, but am I right in assuming you...have feelings for that guy?" Spider-man spoke up, reminding everyone of his presence.

Fred pulled his mask off, sinking to the ground so he could properly bury his face in his hands and groan. Why did the universe hate him so much?

Honey kneeled beside him and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Freddy..."

"Oh my God, I'm so dumb. And I'm so screwed. Did you see that guy? With his stupid shiny hair, and his ridiculously white teeth? Oh my God, Tadashi's going to fall in love and get married to that asshole, and I'm going to die alone, pining after him for eternity!" he burst out, flopping onto his back.

"Whoa there, there's no way in hell I'm letting that sleazebag date- much less marry- my brother," Hiro said, crossing his arms and scowling at the sky.

"Look, Freddy, he might not even fall for the guy. They barely know each other. Besides, Tadashi isn't going to be in New York for that long. We're going back home to San Fransokyo in a few days, and I doubt Booster Gold will follow him there," Honey tried to console him. She made some good points, but Fred couldn't help but feel like he was far out of his depth.

He sighed. Maybe if he was lucky one of the robots would miraculously recover and put him out of his misery.

"Good luck with your friend. And sorry things aren't going as smoothly as you hoped. Maybe I'll see you around," Spider-man said before swinging down the street and disappearing.

Fred tried not to sigh again. Great. He finally met an actual super hero and the guy probably thought he was a lovesick loser. He wouldn't exactly be wrong, but it was hardly the impression he wanted to leave. It would have been so much less embarrassing if he had just left after they first met instead of getting distracted by Wade-

Wait a second, where was Wade?

He looked around and found his friend staring at the alleyway Spider-man had left through.

"Wade?"

He turned around slowly to look at Fred with wide eyes. "Did you see that ass? I think I'm in love."


	9. Support? What's That?

"Uh, you wanna sit down or something, buddy? You've been pacing around for a while," Fred said, watching Tadashi warily from his spot on the couch.

Tadashi huffed and continued to pace back and forth. He'd barely stopped since they returned to the apartment, and Fred was getting concerned.

"I just can't believe him! I watch over him for half my life, and that was fine! You know, I didn't mind that my life kind of revolved around him after my parents died- at least until I got into SFIT. And then I met you guys, and it was so great, you know, because I hadn't really had close friends before then. And you know, it was fine. It was totally fine, and I really liked it. But now he's all grown up- mostly- and so I was thinking that it might be, I dunno, time to find something new! Like I know people think I live under a rock, but for Pete's sake does that mean I'm not allowed to have feelings?!" Tadashi exclaimed. He was getting a rather frenzied look about him. Fred hummed noncommittally every now and then, but it was best to let Tadashi get everything off his chest.

Also, he didn't want to admit why Hiro was so against his older brother dating Booster Gold.

"I mean, I just don't get it! I've done my best to support him over the years, and he does _this_?! It would be nice if he could be just a little bit less of a dick about this! After all, it's not like my life revolves completely around him anymore! It's not like he needs me to babysit him all the time, so I should be able to do things in my free time, right?" He paused to look at Fred for confirmation before resuming his rant.

"Sure, I haven't put a whole lot of thought into dating people, but it's not like I'm _against_ it. It's not like the rest of you guys thought I wouldn't date people, right?"

Fred had to bite his tongue to keep from telling him that, yeah, he kind of did. It was like, half the reason why he'd never confessed his feelings to the guy. If he realized how easy it would have been to get a date with Tadashi- just show up out of nowhere and demand a date like an asshole- then he would have done it ages ago.

He pushed his thoughts aside. "Uh, no. Of course not. It was just really...sudden. That's all. I mean, it really came out of nowhere. Like, we're happy for you dude. We're just surprised."

Tadashi finally stopped his pacing and sat down heavily next to Fred. He heaved a sigh and melted into the couch.

"It just kind of sucks, you know? I thought he'd be- I dunno- happy for me. It's not like I get out much since the whole... Well, you know," he said, gesturing to the scarred half of his face.

He wasn't wrong. Tadashi wasn't a shut in by any means, but he definitely didn't get out as much as he used to. When the others realized this they'd tried to invite him out more often, but he didn't always accept their offers. It concerned them a little, but he always assured them that he was fine.

And he probably was for the most part, but apparently he was having some self confidence issues. And Fred was not going to allow that to continue under his watch.

"Look man, I know this isn't ideal, but Hiro wants you to be happy. I think he just wasn't prepared for this. He'll get over. He just needs a little time to cool down," he said, squeezing the other's shoulder.

"And you know what? I think it's good for you to meet someone. There's been so many people throwing themselves at you over the years- to be honest, it's about time. You're a catch, dude!" And wow, it hurt to say that, but it also felt great to see Tadashi smile at his encouragement. Fuck the friendzone- it was clearly invented by assholes who didn't value people or friendship.

Tadashi bumped his shoulder against Fred's and chuckled. "Thanks, Fred. You're right. He just needs some time...and it was...unexpected." He poked Fred in the side for the smug look on his face. "Shut up."

* * *

Hiro did not cool off after a few hours.

If anything, he was even more steamed up than before, now that he had plenty of time to stew over it.

"No way! I absolutely _forbid_ you from going out with that walking pile of-"

"You _forbid_ me?! First of all, I'm older than you, Hiro. You can't forbid me from doing anything. And second of all, there's no reason for you to be so against this! Why are you being so stubborn?!"

" _I'm_ stubborn? We could be done with this argument if you came to your senses and decided not to go out with Booster Gold- of all the fucking super heroes in New York, you had to agree to a date with _that_ guy?!"

Fred sighed and poured himself another drink. It probably wasn't a good idea to get drunk on the job- especially when your workplace was full of criminals- but whatever. What was he, a saint? Hell no. If he wanted to get drunk at work then he was going to get drunk at work.

The Hamadas continues to argue while the rest of his fine establishment looked on in various states of interest. There were more than a few not so subtle looks in his direction. He downed another shot of whatever the hell was in his hand.

Wasabi sidled up to him across the counter, worry creasing his brow. "Uh, Fred? Maybe you should take it easy. I'm not sure drinking on the job is a good idea right now..." Good old Wasabi. He would make a great conscience. Kind of like Jiminy Cricket, but human and handsome and super buff.

"Nah, 's fine. I asked the boss, and he approved," he said. Good thing he knew how to ignore his voice of reason.

"Fred..."

"C'mon, man. Lemme have this. This is what bars are for. To drink your problems away. And I need to get completely shitfaced if I'm going to ignore my problems, since said problems are currently crashing at my apartment this week," he whined. He may have been a little tipsy.

Wasabi sighed and looked dubiously at the bottle of whiskey Fred was pouring another shot from. He looked nervously between Fred and the Hamadas, unable to decide which was more concerning at the moment. On one hand, Fred was clearly not taking Tadashi's new date plans very well, and on the other, Hiro and Tadashi had been arguing loudly about those date plans for over an hour and getting nowhere.

Luckily for him, Gogo showed up to help with Ellie in tow. Was it time to switch shifts already? Damn.

"Get out from behind the bar, lover boy. Your shift's done. And go break up that fight before one of them disowns the other one," she ordered. And although Fred didn't want to, he did as she told him. Bad things happened when you didn't follow Gogo's orders.

He swallowed his shot and slinked out from behind the bar. "How come I have to go stop them? Why not Wasabi or Honey? Or you for that matter," he grumbled half heartedly.

"We're not the reason they're fighting," she said simply. Which was sort of true. Hiro wouldn't be so upset if he didn't think Fred and his brother should have started dating years ago, and Tadashi wouldn't be going out with Booster Gold if Fred had just sucked it up and asked him out beforehand.

He sighed. "Alright, alright. I'll go...take care of it."

He cautiously approached the two, looking for an opportunity to step in without getting accidently hit in the face by wild hand gestures. The Hamadas were fond of talking with their hands, and it only got worse when they were really passionate about something.

"Well, maybe I wouldn't be so surprised if you'd ever shown an interest in someone before! It's not my fault you live like a damn monk."

"I don't see why you're questioning my romantic life when you've never shown an interest in pursuing anyone either. And for the record, if _you_ went on a date with someone I'd support you."

"I'm not saying I don't want you to date anyone! I'm just saying that it shouldn't be that guy! He's a pompous ass, and you deserve someone way better! I mean, if you would just open your damn eyes you would be able to see there's someone right here-"

Fred cleared his throat loudly. "Uh, guys? Mind taking a break? It's getting late, and I have to talk to Hiro about something," he said, giving the younger boy a pointed look.

Tadashi uncrossed his arms from their disapproving position over his chest, shoulders sagging. "Yeah. Sorry, Fred. You guys go ahead and talk. I think I need a drink anyways." He shot his brother one last unimpressed look over his shoulder and stalked off to the bar.

Hiro glared after him, fists still clenched at his sides. He rounded on Fred, ready to tell him off for sure, but Fred held up a hand to stop him.

"Look, buddy," he began, pulling him into an empty booth, "I know you're mad at me right now, and I get that. I really do. I don't blame you for one second, but you gotta lay off your brother. He needs this, okay?

"Now, I don't like Booster Gold any more than you do, but if Tadashi likes being with him I'm not going to stop him. I really think he needs this right now. We were talking earlier- don't give me that face, Hiro- listen, we were talking before, and I think Tadashi's having some self confidence issues in the looks department."

Hiro stared at him in disbelief. "You can't be serious."

Fred wadded up a napkin and threw it across the table at him. "I'm 100% serious, asshole. I don't think he gets the whole 'people are lining up at the door to date him' kind of thing. For fuck's sake, his first day here he didn't even realize one of my customers was hitting on him, and he literally asked him out. Not with the same words that Booster Gold used, mind you. Otherwise, you'd be scowling about someone on a very different side of the law.

"The point is: you have to let him have this. He was really looking forward to it, but he's upset because you won't stop putting him down about it. Just let him go on the one date, and then freak out about the rest after it's done. Who knows, maybe he'll realize how stupid Booster Gold is and refuse to go out with him again," he finished, giving Hiro a crooked smile.

Hiro sighed and face planted right into the table. "You're right. I've been a dick to him, and I know I should be supportive, but _Booster Gold?_ Fred, that's supposed to be you that he's going on a date with!"

Fred shushed him, taking a furtive glance in Tadashi's direction. The older Hamada didn't notice his brother's little outburst and continued munching on the peanuts at the bar while chatting with the rest of their friends.

"Look man, I missed my chance. We're all just going to have to get over it. For now, let's just pray that he doesn't end up in a relationship with Booster Gold, okay?"

Hiro peeled his forehead off the table to look morosely up at him. "Okay."

* * *

"Fred?"

He turned around to face Tadashi while he finished brushing his teeth. He raised an eyebrow and smiled around his toothbrush.

Tadashi scuffled his feet at the edge of the bathroom tiles and dropped his eyes to the floor. "Um..."

Fred spit out his toothpaste and quickly rinsed out his mouth, wiping it on the towel he'd thrown around his neck from his shower. "You okay, dude?" he asked. Was Tadashi still worried about Hiro? His brother had apologized for not seeming supportive, but maybe his friend was still having his doubts.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I was just wondering if maybe... Would it be okay if we shared your bed again?" he asked timidly. Fred's jaw went slack.

Tadashi hurried to explain himself. "I mean we don't have to. I don't want to be a bother or anything," he said, holding his hands out in front of him as if to ward off something. "It was just, um, it was really nice."

He practically wilted at that last part and it made Fred want to wrap him up in a hug and never let go. How could he possibly say no to that? It wasn't like he ever would have said no anyways.

"Sure, we can do that." He felt a little weight lift off his chest at the relief in Tadashi's eyes. He removed the towel from his neck and draped it over one of the hooks in his bathroom.

Tadashi's eyes trailed down to his chest and Fred suddenly remembered that he wasn't wearing a shirt. He felt his face heat up and prayed to the universe that Tadashi didn't notice him blushing. He had no reason to blush dammit! Just the other night Tadashi had been stripping down to his birthday suit on top of his bed. Sure, a lot of alcohol had been involved there, but there were plenty of other times they'd seen each other half naked.

He cleared his throat and ducked past his friend to find a shirt.

It could have been his imagination, but he almost thought he saw a little pink to Tadashi's ears when he walked by him.

He grabbed his regular sleep shirt off the edge of his bed and threw it on, trying to act as nonchalant as possible about the whole situation. On the inside he was screaming at deafening levels. But he was going to ignore the hell out of that screaming because it was the only way he was going to survive.

He tucked himself under the covers and patted the space beside him meaningfully. Tadashi gave him a wan smile before complying and crawling in next to him. As soon as the other was comfortably situated he leaned over to the lamp on his nightstand and switched it off.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, their breathing the only sound to be heard. Then suddenly Tadashi seemed to gather his courage and close the distance between them, slipping carefully into Fred's arms and resting his head beneath his chin.

Fred wondered if Tadashi could hear his heart pounding wildly in his chest. It sounded deafening to Fred- he could only imagine what it must be like with his head positioned right above his heart.

"Is this weird?" Tadashi whispered into his collarbone. Fred squeezed his arms a little tighter around him.

"Nah. Come on. I'm a retired superhero that runs a bar for criminals, some of my best friends are still superheroes, another one of my best friends is a mercenary that can't die and routinely gets blood stains on my floor, and my dad is also a retired superhero. This is probably the least weird thing about my life," he joked.

He felt more than saw the smile that Tadashi gave him.

So what if he ended up in unrequited love hell for eternity? So what if Tadashi ended up marrying Booster Gold and growing old with him? As long as he knew he had Tadashi's friendship, that was all that mattered to him.

* * *

 **A/N: sorry i'm spamming u all with multiple chapters but I legit forgot that this website exists lol. My bad. If you wanna make your life easier you should join ao3 where I update one fucking chapter at a time haha. Plus there was like 5 months when I didn't have a computer, so that didn't help**


	10. Shut Up, Wade

Fred was going out of his damn mind. It was the day of Tadashi's date with Booster Gold, and Fred had decided to deal with all the pent up emotions he had about that by throwing himself into work. He'd opened the bar six hours ago and hadn't stopped working since. He even called Ellie to insist that he take her shift that night.

Booster Gold hadn't given Tadashi a specific time to be ready, so his friend had just been hanging around the bar all day and sending occasional glances to the door. The rest of their friends were there as well. They were very invested in making sure that things went smoothly.

Well, sort of.

Honey was there to make sure Tadashi was alright and didn't get stood up or anything, Hiro was making sure Booster Gold didn't do anything he didn't approve of, and Gogo and Wasabi were there to do damage control. Wasabi was supposed to make sure that Hiro behaved, and Gogo was supposed to make sure that Booster Gold did. You know, normal friend stuff.

They were also there to make sure that Fred didn't drown himself in alcohol, although that was more of an assumption on his part.

God, he wished Wade were there. Wade would let him get blackout drunk. He was a terrible influence.

He sighed, shuffling around to wipe down the bar for the umpteenth time that day. He snuck a quick look at Tadashi to see how he was doing and had to hold back another sigh.

The guy was practically radiating excitement, and Booster Gold hadn't even shown up yet. He was just too damn cute for his own good.

That morning Fred had listened to his friend fret about everything from his hair to his clothes to his mannerisms. And Fred had assured him that he was going to do great through all of it. He even helped pick out what Tadashi should wear.

Booster Gold had said to dress casual, so Fred had suggested Tadashi go with one of his trademark cardigans. He told him to wear the brown one because it matched his eyes. Fred of course, hadn't been able to meet the aforementioned eyes when he said that because that would have been too much. If he'd looked Tadashi in the eye at that moment he was sure the other would have figured out how bad he had it for him.

That would have been incredibly embarrassing.

He was snapped out of his ruminations when a blur of red and black came tumbling through the door.

"Weasel! Sweet cakes, you have got to tell me something- and this is very important- so answer me truthfully. Does this suit make me look fat?" Wade asked, twisting around to look coyly at him.

Fred heaved another sigh and pressed his forehead into his palm. "For the millionth time, no, your suit does not make you look fat. It's literally impossible for anything that skintight to make you look fat. You don't even have an ounce of fat on your body, dude. You're like ripped. You were before you got fucked over by cancer and Francis, and you were after you turned into the world's most overcooked human marshmallow."

Wade pulled up the bottom of his mask to make his pout visible and crossed his arms over his chest. "No fat on my body? You saying I don't have an ass? Because that's discriminatory. I should sue you for that. I happen to have a great ass. Not as great as, say, a certain spandex wearing web slinger, but a great ass nonetheless."

"Ugh, Wade, can we please not have this conversation again? I kind of want to, you know, not talk about your ass for once."

"Should we talk about other people's asses then? Because I've got to say, your San Fransokyo friends make a great lineup-"

"For fuck's sake no, we are not talking about _anyone's_ asses, and please never talk about my friends' asses ever again," he cut Wade off. Would it kill the guy to just have a normal conversation for once? Obviously not with the whole immortal thing, but Fred could dream.

He was about to insist on Wade shutting up forever, but he got distracted by a pair of attractive, but entirely out of place strangers showing up.

One of them had annoyingly familiar gold hair and an annoyingly white smile to match. He wasn't wearing his costume of course, but it was still undeniably Booster Gold. And of course, the man just had to look like a supermodel in his civilian clothes. Fred wanted to drown himself in a lake of whiskey.

Hiro was bristling visibly at the arm that the superhero had thrown around his brother's waist, and Wasabi was holding him back with an arm slung across his chest.

"Tadashi! I'm glad you're still in one piece. When I saw where you were I thought you might be in trouble. What's a cute guy like you doing in a dump like this?" Booster Gold asked, tossing an unimpressed look at some of Fred's customers.

Fred would have launched himself over the bar to punch him, but he remembered at the last second that he was supposed to be supportive and held back instead. Still, what a dick.

He cleared his throat loudly to catch the group's attention and did his best not to glare at Booster Gold. "This _dump_ actually belongs to me, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't badmouth it so loudly. Thanks," he said a bit curtly.

Tadashi threw him an apologetic look before turning to address his date. "It's really not a dump. Fred works hard to keep it in good shape, and everyone here is really nice."

Booster Gold raised his eyebrows in disbelief at that last part, and Fred couldn't blame him. Sure, his clients were on their best behavior when it came to Tadashi, but calling them nice was a stretch. They were hardened criminals after all. Although most of them weren't exactly big fry or anything- with the exception of Wade. But he was a special case.

As if the universe was trying to make his life more difficult, Booster Gold's eyes shot over to rest on his masked friend. Fred saw his eyes narrow at Wade behind his sunglasses and prayed silently that he wouldn't recognize him.

No such luck.

"Is that _Deadpool_?" he growled, pushing Tadashi behind him as if to protect him. Fred almost approved of the act, if only because he also thought Tadashi's safety was of paramount importance. On the other hand, this idiot seriously needed to chill.

Wade didn't help things- as was the natural order of the world- and didn't even try to pretend like he wasn't a well known mercenary. "I sure am! Do you want an autograph? I'm always happy to meet a fan- especially when they look like they just popped out of one of those antidepressant commercials. You know, those ones with the really long list of side effects that make you question if they'd ever be worth it, like diarrhea, and heart failure, and death-"

Fred didn't bother opening his mouth. He opted for smacking his friend upside the head instead.

Thankfully it worked, and Wade stopped his ridiculous rambling. Booster Gold was looking increasingly incensed though, and Fred began to wonder if he should have made Tadashi wait for his date at a different location.

Just when it looked like Booster Gold was going to start a fight, however, the man he walked in with stopped him.

Fred wasn't as sure about this guy's identity, but judging by the fact that he was hanging around Booster Gold he had a feeling he was Blue Beetle. The guy was even wearing a blue shirt. There was like a 90% chance it was him.

The two shared a quiet but heated exchange that ended with Booster Gold turning back to Tadashi in a huff. He smiled winningly at his date as if he hadn't just been arguing with his friend. "Shall we?" he asked, gesturing at the door.

Tadashi just smiled genially, ignoring the weirdness of the whole situation and followed his lead.

Thank God for Blue Beetle keeping their date from being ruined. Or so he thought.

"Hey, whoa! Is commercial dude going on a date with the hottie you've been hiding from me all these years?" Wade exclaimed, jumping up and sprinting to the doors to examine the couple more closely. "Because as your bestest BFF in the whole wide universe, I cannot let that stand!"

You know that feeling you get when you realize that something extremely bad is about to happen and if you don't do something soon to stop it you'll be screwed forever? That's how Fred felt when Wade started talking.

"Wade," he tried to cut him off, the sinking feeling in his gut growing exponentially.

Naturally, Wade didn't hear him.

"AS A MAN OF DUBIOUS HONOR, I CAN'T LET YOU GO ON A DATE WITH THIS WEIRDLY BEAUTIFUL MAN- EVEN IF THE TWO OF YOU WOULD MAKE EXTREMELY HOT SUPER BABIES-"

 _OhgodohgodohgodohgodohgodOHGOD_! Fred thought to himself.

He had to do something. He had to keep Wade from saying anything else that would give away his huge crush on Tadashi. Oh God, what was he going to do?!

He was not proud of what happened next.

"-AS SELF PROCLAIMED BESTIE OF THE CENTURY I MUST LET LOVE BLOSSOM AND FLOURISH BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FUTURE GROOM, WHO'S DEFINITELY NOT THIS GUY, BUT WHO IS RIGHT OVER-" he began to swivel around, arm raising to point in Fred's direction, bellowing at the top of his lungs.

Fred snatched the shotgun from underneath the counter and shot Wade in the head.

There was a sickening thud as Wade's body crashed to the floor, and all the non-regulars were freaking out. Tadashi- poor soul- was staring wide eyed at the rapidly growing pool of blood not a foot away while Booster Gold snatched him back as if they were going to be burned. Even Blue Beetle was looking shocked at the turn of events, eyes snapping over to Fred in betrayal.

"What the hell?!" Booster Gold shouted, whipping around to glare at Fred. He was poised to attack, Blue Beetle mimicking his posture.

Fred shoved the gun back into its usual spot and held up his hands in surrender. "Whoa! Okay, don't attack or anything, I swear it's not what you think! It's just, uh, a thing we do!" he scrambled to explain. He actually wasn't lying either.

Unfortunately, Booster Gold and Blue Beetle didn't believe him.

"Just a thing you do?! Killing people in cold blood is a crime! I'm taking you in to the police station- friend of Tadashi's or not, you're going to jail," Booster Gold snarled.

Luckily for Fred, his friends intervened.

"Don't get your panties in such a twist, Shiny Man. Deadpool's not even dead. That's like, his special talent," Gogo snapped, shoving herself between Fred and his aggressors. Blue Beetle began to look a little unsure, but Booster Gold still wasn't convinced.

Which was, you know, _fair_ considering that he just saw Wade take a bullet between the eyes.

Extra luckily for Fred, Wade chose that moment to groan loudly and pull himself to his feet. Blue Beetle and Booster Gold both whipped around to stare at him in shock.

"Ugh, gross! You're lucky Al told me to get a red suit or all this blood would never get out!" Wade whined. "I don't know what I was thinking when we made that agreement."

"Agreement?" Blue Beetle asked incredulously.

Fred slapped his hands on the counter to steal their attention from Wade. "Uh, yeah! The agreement we have...where I shoot Wade once a month! Just like, randomly. To keep him on his toes. He doesn't want to get to rusty even when he's relaxing," he blurted out, laughing nervously.

That wasn't the actual agreement. The real agreement was that Fred could shoot Wade in the head if Wade was doing something that Fred felt was an emergency. For example, if Fred was in serious danger but wasn't allowed to tell Wade about it then Fred could shoot him and Wade would know that something was seriously wrong. In this case, he really didn't want Wade to tell Tadashi about his crush.

The shot would be a signal to get Wade to stop. Fred only hoped that Wade understood why it was that he'd shot him.

He tried to send Wade the message with his eyes, but it was hard to tell if the masked man understood or not. If only he didn't have the damn mask on.

Booster Gold looked like he was going to blow a gasket, but at least Blue Beetle was starting to calm down. And most importantly, Tadashi was no longer as white as a sheet. He looked a lot more at peace with what had happened now that he knew Wade was ok.

He cleared his throat again, trying to dislodge the knot that had formed there- he swore his stomach had almost crawled out of his mouth- and waved towards the door. "Anyways...you guys should go on your date now. Everything's cool here, so uh...yep. Have fun," he said, doing his best to sound sincere. Never mind the fact that he still kind of wanted to knock Booster Gold's perfectly white teeth out.

Tadashi's grateful look made it worth it though, so he plastered a fake smile on his face for encouragement.

He waved them off again, and watched silently as his friend went gallivanting off into the night on his date. At the same time, he wondered if it would be more unprofessional to call Ellie back in for the night after giving her the evening off or to stay for the rest of the shift and get hammered.

"Fred, don't even think about opening that bottle of whiskey," Hiro ordered, snatching it out of his reach. Fred absolutely did not whine at that. He was an adult, and adults did not whine when their stuff got taken from them.

His friends all looked mildly exasperated at him, but they were a lot less high strung since Booster Gold left. Well, except maybe Hiro, who looked angrier than ever. Seriously, they might need to find one of those kiddy leashes to keep Hiro from stalking his brother on his date.

Wade was annoying one of Fred's regulars, and the rest of the bar went back to their meanderings.

The only one that looked as upset as Fred at this point was Blue Beetle. Fred wasn't even sure why they guy was still there. He just figured he came to drop of his douche friend and would skedaddle afterwards.

Instead the man had seated himself at the bar, slouching over on his stool like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

Fred imagined he looked a lot like Fred in that moment. Which was kind of weird.

After all, what did Blue Beetle have to be upset about? It's not like the love of his life had just gone traipsing off with- oh. _Oh_. Maybe he and Blue Beetle had more in common than he originally thought.

"So...anything I can get for you?" Fred asked, sidling up to the other. "Also, is there something you want me to call you by when you're not all decked out like a colorful insect?"

Blue Beetle sighed and sunk further into his seat. "Call me Jaime. And just give me whatever's strong enough to make me forget about that idiot who just left."

"Alrighty then," he replied, looking for another bottle of whiskey that Hiro hadn't confiscated.

"Weasel, why don't you just give this slender piece of hot Hispanic ass a blowjob?" Wade asked, sliding onto the stool next to Jaime.

Jaime looked suitably horrified at Wade's words, and Fred resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands.

He jabbed a finger in Wade's direction and sternly said, "Wade, quit trying to make blow jobs happen. Nobody likes them because they taste like shit. You only order them to start fights." He took a moment to turn and explain to Jaime. "A blowjob is a drink that this asshole made me put them on the menu. He's not actually telling me to give you head."

"Au contraire, I think you could both benefit from letting off a little steam."

"Wade, I swear to God, if you don't cut it out I'm going to sew your mouth shut," he threatened half heartedly.

This made Wade spew out a long, arduous speech about what would happen if he tried it, and Fred resigned himself to a long night.

"-and besides, I don't see why you're getting your panties in a twist. I mean you two both just got shoved to the sidelines by the men you're in love with. Since they're going on a date with each other you might as well give it a go," he heard Wade say in his peripherals.

He shot a panicked look at Jaime, who mirrored his expression.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not- I'm not in love with Mike!" Jaime sputtered. He was as red as a tomato though, and sounded as convincing as a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Fred briefly wondered if that was what he looked like.

It was interesting to find out that Booster Gold's name was Mike though. It didn't sound very futuristic, but some things didn't change he supposed.

He slapped a conciliatory hand on Jaime's shoulder from across the counter. "No use pretending anymore, pal. You and I are in the same boat here. And if I have to suffer through everyone knowing about my pathetic love life, then so do you."

Jaime dropped his forehead to the counter and groaned.


	11. I'm a Damsel in DistressI Can Handle It

Unfortunately for Hiro, Tadashi did not dump Booster Gold after that first date. In fact, they went on three more dates in just as many days, and Hiro was about to go out of his damn mind.

Fred was pretty close to losing his sanity too, but at least now not all the focus was completely on him. His friends had gotten very nosy about Blue Beetle's secret crush. So even though he was severely bummed out, at least he got to be bummed out with Jaime.

Fred dubbed the two of them the Club for Heartbroken Heroes That Got Dumped Without Even Dating Their Men. Also known as CHHTGDWEDTM. Okay, it wasn't a good name or acronym, but it's not like it wasn't _accurate_.

He could think up a new name for it another time.

Anyways, the club was officially in session now that Tadashi had pranced off to his _fourth_ date with Booster Gold. Jaime showed up with the other superhero every time he popped by the bar to pick up his date, so the Latino simply stayed and had a drink with Fred to commiserate their shared misfortune once the lovebirds left.

If they were lucky they'd be able to drink in peace.

...Of course, they were never lucky because the rest of Fred's San Fransokyo friends continued to hang around his bar all day and night, only ducking out on occasion to take care of other business.

"You two should both just confess your feelings, and then they'll see how much better you two are for them, and then they'll break up, and everyone will finally be happy!" Hiro exclaimed. He plopped down onto the bench beside Fred and pulled the bowl of peanuts resting on the table closer to him.

Jaime slumped further in his seat, attempting to melt into its soft plastic surface. Fred, seated across him in the booth, shook his head and replied, "I cannot explain just how much I can't do that. Like, I would probably die if I tried."

Jaime nodded his head furiously in agreement. There was a slight flush to his cheeks, but Fred couldn't be sure if it was from embarrassment or from the alcohol. Jaime had only had a couple of drinks, but he was kind of a lightweight.

"I don't know about that, Fred. I mean, you and Tadashi were already close before this trip, but I daresay you two have gotten even closer," Wasabi said. He peered thoughtfully down at the blond like he was mulling something over.

Boy, when Wasabi spoke with that serious look on his face, you just knew you were about to hear something sensible that you absolutely did not want to hear.

He tried to laugh it off. "Aw, it's just the close quarters, that's all! Nothing's really changed between us."

Wasabi shook his head. "No, you two are definitely different around each other now. In a good way." he clarified. "He sort of...gravitates toward you now. Yeah, that's it. It's like he leans on you for support now a little more than the rest of us."

"Wasabi means that emotionally, but I just want to point out that he totally leans on you a lot more physically now too," Hiro cut in.

"He does not," Fred scoffed.

His friends all gave him the least impressed look they could muster.

"Dude," Gogo said. "He literally rests his head on your shoulder whenever he gets remotely tired. Don't act like you haven't noticed- we know you have."

He had noticed. How could he not? Every time Tadashi so much as brushed past him it was like the heavens opened up and angels started singing. IT WASN'T HIS FAULT HE WAS CRUSHING HARDER THAN A TWELVE YEAR OLD! Tadashi was just so perfect that it was impossible not to.

"Don't forget the other day when I found you two curled up in bed!" Honey piped up. The group's heads swiveled in unison to look at him with unfiltered glee. He was so fucked.

Hiro shoved himself uncomfortably close to get right in Fred's face. "Am I hearing things correctly? Have you been sharing a bed with my innocent older brother?" He gasped dramatically. "And here I thought you were too gentlemanly to take advantage of him like that!"

Fred pushed the younger man's face away. "I'm not taking advantage of him! He just likes to cuddle! Besides, you know how your brother is. I wasn't going to force him to keep sleeping on the couch, and he wouldn't let me sleep there either!"

Hiro hummed thoughtfully. "That does sound like him."

"Let me get this straight- you and Tadashi have been sleeping together, but somehow Booster Gold is still the one he's dating?" Gogo deadpanned.

Even Jaime was looking rather unimpressed by that.

"Why is this my fault?!" he huffed.

"Because you were the one who didn't ask him out first," Hiro supplied oh so helpfully.

"Jaime didn't ask Booster Gold out first either! Shouldn't he get at least half the blame for that?" he asked, pointing accusatorily at the man across from him.

Jaime swatted his hand away, blushing furiously.

The rest of the group looked thoughtfully at the other hero for a moment before reaching a conclusion.

"You know what, Fred? You're absolutely right. This is half your fault too, Jaime," Hiro said as he flicked a peanut at him. Jaime merely looked affronted at this.

"It's not my fault! It's not like I could tell Mike how I feel about him- he'd probably laugh in my face and tell me I made hilarious jokes. Then he'd probably tell me I wasn't his type just to rub it in," he said with a frown that was just a little too genuine to make fun of.

Honey tried to cheer him up and said, "Aww, I'm sure that's not true. He's your friend, isn't he? He wouldn't be that cruel."

Jaime snorted. "He may be my friend, but even I can admit that he's still kind of a douche."

And well, they couldn't really argue with that.

The unfortunate thing about having super heroes as your best friends is that eventually someone figures out you're associated with said super heroes.

Now, normally this wasn't much of an issue for Fred since the gang worked mainly back in San Fransokyo. In New York, all he had to worry about was psychos who were after Wade. And honestly, that was pretty much a given at this point, and every time it happened was at the bar where there was a whole crowd of thugs to defend him.

Sadly, becoming friends with Jaime- and becoming begrudgingly associated with _Mike_ \- changed things.

After all, Blue Beetle didn't work in San Fransokyo, and neither did Booster Gold.

So it was inevitable that even during their short time knowing each other Fred got kidnapped. By one of Blue Beetle's enemies. Because life was just that great sometimes.

"Look, I'm telling you that I don't know jack shit about Blue Beetle's plans with this bug or whatever you're talking about!" Fred shouted for what felt like the millionth time. He was hoping that if he said it enough then eventually these dumbasses would get the picture and let him go.

One of the muscle heads in front of him stepped closer to sneer in his face. "You keep saying that, but the boss says you've been hanging around Blue Beetle for a while now. Says you two are pretty cozy," he said, so uncomfortably close that Fred could smell his terrible onion breath.

He tried to lean away from the other guy's face to escape it, but damn, it was strong. Seriously, did this guy eat a whole raw onion before snatching Fred from the unassuming grocery store?

"Ugh, okay Shrek, I don't know who your boss is, but they're clearly delusional. I've known Blue Beetle for like a week, and we aren't even that close. We just get drunk and mourn our nonexistent love lives. Probably the same way you ugly fucks do every Friday night," he retorted.

It wasn't a good idea to antagonize your kidnappers, but what the hell- it felt good.

Until Onion Breath punched him in the face for it. Then it didn't feel quite as good. His nose was bleeding now- he suspected it would swell up to match the eye they'd already hit. There was also a sickening crunch that sounded like Fred was going to be in a world of pain when the doctors reset it.

"Think you're funny, huh? Let's see if you still think it's funny when I smash your face in-"

"Ay, ay! Boss said we ain't allowed to kill him until he talks!" the other good butted in, grabbing the first lackey's arm to keep him from landing another punch. The two then walked over to the corner to talk in a hushed yet heated debate.

Fred meanwhile, finally got his hands free of the stupid zip tie that had kept his arms bent around the back of his chair. It had taken an annoyingly long time, but he did it. One didn't go into the superhero business without learning a few tricks. He was a little rusty, but he still knew what he was doing. Unlike his kidnappers apparently. The dumbasses hadn't even bothered to tie up his legs. A rookie mistake.

This wasn't his first rodeo, so to speak.

So when Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum returned to interrogate him, he did the most logical thing.

He waited until Onion Breath (aka Tweedle DUM) got his smug, ugly face close again, and he head butted him as hard as he could. Then, while Onion Breath was distracted, he swung his chair out and smashed it over Tweedle Dee's head. The man crumpled like an old receipt you'd find in your pocket unexpectedly before tossing it in the trash.

He then scrounged up every memory he had of the jiu jitsu lessons that Gogo gave him and- by some miracle- managed to beat Onion Breath unconscious.

Thank god for Gogo's foresight and insisting that everyone have some basic knowledge of suit less self defense. Not that Fred needed much persuading- who wouldn't want to learn jiu jitsu?

He silently sent a prayer of thanks to his fiery Asian friend, pulling Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum's guns from their holsters, as well as a knife from Onion Breath before proceeding to the hallway.

It was fortunately empty.

He quickly yet quietly made his way through the building. He thanked his lucky stars that there weren't many people around. In the end, he only had to shoot two guys, so he counted that as a win. He didn't even have to kill them! He just, you know, shot them in the leg and then ran up to them and knocked them out before they realized what was happening.

And then, because he was still kind of a sucker, he ripped up their jackets to wrap them around their wounds and slow down their bleeding. Sure, they might still die from blood loss if someone didn't find them soon, but at least he wasn't just leaving them there completely helpless.

He had some standards.

Some.

Of course, all good things must come to an end, so he wasn't that surprised when alarms started blaring. He was 99% sure they were because of him, but there was still a 1% chance that his kidnappers were worried about something else.

Whatever the case was, he had to run. Forget subtlety, he had to get out of there as fast as humanly possible.

Judging by the bullets that whizzed by him as soon as he reached the stairwell, the alarms were for him. Peachy. Just fucking peachy.

"FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!" he whispered to himself as he propelled himself down the stairs in an entirely unsafe manner that may have involved jumping over the edge of the railing and leaping a few flights down until his arms slammed onto another railing.

And yes, it hurt like hell.

In fact, he may have heard a crack that may possibly have been one of his fingers breaking from the impact.

But he didn't have time to worry about that right now.

He scrambled up over the edge as bullets rained around him. He had almost made it in the clear when one of them bit into his right calf.

" _SHIT_ ," he cursed to himself, falling gracelessly onto the stairs.

He glanced down at the blood leaking into his jeans with distaste. He absolutely did not have time to deal with this though. So, instead of looking over it carefully, he hastily cut one of his sleeves off and wrapped it around his leg to staunch the bleeding.

Then he began running/limping down the stairwell as fast as his injured leg would allow. He'd managed to gain some time by his little jumping stunt, so at least the bad guys weren't _too_ close. He still had some headway on them. They were a good ten floors above him. This building was weirdly large for what seemed like the hideout of some crime lord.

He nearly shouted for joy when he finally reached the exit, hightailing it out of there like a man on fire.

He spent the next half an hour hiding behind a dumpster in a rundown alley from all the goons that were looking for him.

During that time he chose to take a better look at his injuries. The gunshot wound in his leg wasn't as bad as he feared- it was a clean shot. It missed the bones, and the bullet had made a clear entry and exit. He wrapped it back up and did his best to keep it elevated while remaining out of sight.

His arms and chest were developing some nasty looking bruises from that railing but were otherwise alright. His left ring finger was totally broken though. It was purple, swollen, and looked like it was doing its best impression of the ugliest worm he'd ever seen.

His nose had stopped bleeding though, and the swelling around his eye was starting to go down, so that was a plus.

When enough time had passed he cautiously slipped out of the alleyway.

It was almost 10 pm according to his watch- a vast difference from when he'd gotten snatched. He'd gone to get milk at what, four? What a nightmare. Also, what the fuck? He hadn't been here that long, had he?

They'd drugged him when they took him, but he was only awake for maybe an hour of two since they brought him here. Wherever here was...

He limped his way to the nearest gas station he could find and used their bathroom to clean up. He was pleasantly surprised- if a little suspicious- that the attendants there didn't question him about his less than stellar appearance. They just pretended like he wasn't there. Probably used to shit like this,

After washing the blood off his face and cleaning the bullet wound as best as he could he ventured outside of the bathroom to ask the only slightly frightened workers where they were.

He was in El Fucking Paso.

He politely asked if he could borrow a phone to call someone to pick him up, and since the gas station's was broken one of the employees was kind enough to let Fred use hers. He thanked her profusely and took a few steps away to make his call.

The line rang three times before a crisp voice greeted him from the other end.

"Hi, Heathcliff. Sorry to bother you this late, but uh, I kind of need some help. I need a ride," he said awkwardly. He knew his old butler probably didn't mind helping him, but he still felt bad for disturbing him this late. "Uh, actually, I'm not in New York right now. I'm in El Paso. Texas. Would you mind sending a plane down here? Also maybe a doctor? I don't really trust the hospitals around this area right now. You will? Thanks, man. You're the best. I miss you too. Okay, bye."

He hung up and handed the phone back to the girl, thanking her again. The attendants must have been eavesdropping because they told him he could hang out there until his flight came in.

Nice kids.

It was almost 10 am when he finally rolled up in front of the bar after what felt like the longest night of his life. God, he wished he could teleport- he'd have been back so much sooner.

Of course, when he thought back to all the trouble teleportation had caused San Fransokyo he pushed that idea aside.

He thanked the cab driver, pushed a wad of cash in his hands, told him to keep the change, and sauntered into Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children. It was good to be home.

Or so he thought, until the group of frazzled people inhabiting his bar turned as one to face him.

Everyone froze, Fred included, trying to process what was happening. Then his friends realized who was standing in front of them and broke out into relieved shouts. They all swarmed him and pulled him into the biggest and most bone crushing group hug. It would have been nice if he wasn't so horrendously banged up from the night.

He yelped at the impact and immediately they all let go, which made him feel a little bad, but ouch.

"You're hurt!"

"Baymax, scan Fred for injuries!"

"Freddy, we were so worried!"

"Do you need anything? Aspirin? Ibuprofen? Something to eat?"

"You idiot, what the hell happened to you?"

They were all talking at once, and it was making his head spin.

"Whoa whoa! Everyone calm down!" he exclaimed, holding his hands out to ward them off. They all quieted and looked at him with concern. "Look, can I just sit down for a sec? I'm really tired. I was on a place for like six hours, but I'm still exhausted."

Gogo gently but firmly pushed him into one of the booths. He shot her a grateful look before continuing. "First things first: I'm fine. I already got patched up by the family doctor and everything on the flight here."

The rest of the gang crowded around him into the booth with Honey, Wasabi, and Gogo squeezing into the bench across from him while Tadashi sat beside him. Hiro settled for glaring halfheartedly at him from the end of the table for making him worry. Surprisingly, Jaime and Mike were there as well.

"What's the list?" Hiro demanded. Fred didn't bother asking what list he meant- it was pretty obvious that despite his reassurances the younger guy wanted to hear how bad Fred was injured.

Fred sighed. "Black eye. Broken nose. Broken finger. Bruised chest and arms. Bullet wound in leg," he replied.

The frowns on the group deepened with each passing word. Tadashi sidled closer to grab Fred's hand and inspect the brace on his hand.

"Yeah, guess no one's gonna be able to put a ring on it for a while, huh?" he joked, trying to lighten up the mood. There was a weak smile tugging at the edges of Tadashi's lips, and an outright snort from Hiro, so he called it a win.

"What happened, Freddy?" Honey asked, reaching across the table to grab his other hand.

"We found the footage of those guys nabbing you at the grocery store, but after that we got nothing," Gogo said, reaching into her pocket to procure a stick of gum and start chewing it furiously.

Now that was a difficult question to explain. Mostly because Fred barely knew what happened himself.

"Uh, yeah, about that... I don't totally know what was going on? I mean they drugged me pretty hard, so I didn't even know I wasn't in New York until I escaped. But when they were interrogating me they kept asking me about you," he said, looking directly at Jaime.

"Que?" Jaime asked, looking floored. Mike leveled a glare at Fred as if he was blaming Jaime for all his troubles.

"Yeah, they kept asking me about your plans with some sort of bug? Like a... shoot, what are those like Egyptian ones-?"

"Scarabs?" Wasabi supplied helpfully.

"Yes! Scarabs. They kept asking about those for some reason. Anyways, I tried to explain to them that we're not really that close, but they told me that their boss told them that we were for some reason. Also, does that mean their boss knows your secret identity? That seems dangerous, dude," he said.

Jaime's face darkened. "It must have been La Dama. She's the only one who knows my civilian identity. I'm sorry you got dragged into all this, Fred," he said, looking so mournful that Fred felt obliged to apologize for making him sad.

Mike was glaring at him again, although this time it felt...different.

Of course, that might have been because Tadashi was still holding his hand.

He cleared his throat and detangled his fingers from his friend's. "Don't worry about it man. I've been through worse. You should see the shit Wade's put me through. Anyhoo, as glad as I am to see you all, I really want to go to bed and sleep for the next ten years. So if you don't mind, I'm going to hit the hay," he said, moving to get up.

Tadashi moved out of his way so he could get through, and the rest of the gang took that as their sign to leave as well. They all expressed their relief that he was okay and insisted that he keep someone with him at all times.

He reluctantly agreed, but only because he wanted to go to sleep.

Tadashi got first watch, and the two of them headed upstairs to Fred's apartment.

The rest of the group filtered out with promises to check in on him later.

And finally, he got to reunite with his bed. His eyes were closed before he hit the mattress.


End file.
